Saturday, January 30, 2010

RANDOMNESS Y'ALL

So the bats are in Texas this weekend.  Just bats being bats.  Hanging upside down by day, and partying in sparkles by night.

I got to eat an avocado stuffed with chicken.  And fried.  I got to almost steal a tip jar, and got a cup with Mr. Nacho on it.

I got to talk to DFW about going to a psychic.  Her biggest concern for me is that the psychic will tell me I am going to become a lesbian in 5 years.  This is not my biggest worry.  All of my hair falling out is my biggest worry. 

I got to eat breakfast tacos.  Twice.  In one day. 

We had to bring outfits over to Dixie’s place.  We brought about the same amount as what I expect an impoverished person to have in their closet.  It turned into a pile of black sparkles.

We saw a Justin Beiber impostor!



We are trying to play a drinking game on Facebook.  Its not working out so well.  We are supposed to drink every time we see an attractive person.  They are few and far between  we don’t count.  Neither do our own pages. 

I scared the deaf 3 legged cat with the hairdryer.  Now he is really freaked out by me.  I keep making weird noises at him and forgetting he can’t hear me.

We went to the museum and this little girl told my kiddo to stop following her.  I encouraged this behavior.  If I had a girl I would be buying her glitter hair extensions and telling her that boys suck.  Or stink.

We stole glasses and are drinking mimosas out them.

Appropriate photo props include but are not limited to: sleeping people, dogs that match our outfits, glasses, and toys from vending machines that look like butts.  With hair on them.  Or penises.

We went to a playmates birthday party last night.  It made our boobs feel small.  There was this crazy chick who served as both entertainment and annoyance for the night.

The Misadventures continue….

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

WEASEL WEDNESDAY: AIM WEASEL EDITION


Welcome back to Weasel Wednesday.  This is a place we can talk freely about weasels.  Who decides ultimately what makes someone a weasel?  That’s easy.  We do.  Feel free to add your own weasel commentary and maybe it will be featured on the next WW.  As we can see there is no shortage of weaselry and we always have plenty.  This week we may or may not have some “she-weasels.”


Check out more weaselry here.  And here. 

Looks like even Broke Ass Stuart is getting in on Weasel Wednesdays…



10. If he tells’s you that you are the one right before he breaks up with you…
9. If you guys are in a relationship on Facebook, but his relationship status is hidden…
-       8. If he (or she) oddly falls out of touch, then starts dating your ex (we were together for 3 years, he and his ex are the only ones we ever double dated with!!)

7. If his friends refer to you as "the mistress".

6. If he takes you to a fancy restaurant and only orders an appetizer…- If he asks you to pay for you half of dinner…. And parking…
5. If you call him and his roommate answers and asks "Is this Jessica?" and your name is NOT Jessica.
4. If he tells you he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you, but then he lies and tells you he just got a DUI and you need to come bail him out, because he found out you were at another guys house….
3.   If he cheats on you, admits it, convinces you take his weasel ass back, then continues to see her behind your back for like 3 months (and takes her on ALL the dates you have been asking him to take you on).
and three years after you breakup he starts talking to you again, and after days of texting you- spends the night with the girl he cheated with you on in the first place! 

lesson learned a million times over.

2. If your boyfriend who you were living with is secretly on match.com and his profile picture is one of you and him with you cut out….



1. if you are doing long distance, and he INSTANT MESSAGES you...yes, OVER THE COMPUTER to say "I'm going to be a dad, I've been cheating on you, she's 4 MONTH PREGGERS and we're PROBABLY GETTING MARRIED"....fucking death weasel times infinity....


Thanks to Julie, kys, jessalyn and Sarah for this week’s comments…


BETTER THAN SMURFS

Last night I finally went to see Avatar.  In 3D.  I don’t know that I can ever see a movie not in 3D again, and I am sure I want to see every 3D movie they showed.  #1 being Alice in Wonderland and #2 How to Train a Dragon.  The second is mostly because I figure that’s a skill I will need to take over the world.

I thought Avatar was amazing and I am pretty sure I lived there with them.  Like to the point where I questioned my own humanity.  So did Dustin.  The graphics were clearly amazing but I was down with   the story line too.  At one point I realized I still knew what was going on and that made me happy.  I felt morally conflicted but in a good way.  I hate long movies and this one made me feel like it was real life and so i was cool with it.  At the end I actually said "Can we do that again?"  It may have destroyed all regular movie watching for me for life.  It was worth it.

I must admit that there was a point when blue dude made a reference to a “situation” and myself and 3 companions bust out into a fit of laughter.

I am pretty sure I want to be: (and I totally get why people fall in love with the blue lady)


I am sure I am in love with:



Facts that support my opinion:


Avatar as been No. 1 at the box office for six consecutive weeks.

It's official: Avatar is the highest-grossing movie ever, with tallies coming in at $1.86 billion.

Avatar became the most expensive movie ever made, at more than $300 million US. 

HAPPY THOUGHTS


1. There are at least two people in this world 
that you would die for. 



2. At least 15 people in this world 
love you in some way. 
3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you 
is because they want to 
be just like you. 


(duh)
4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, 
even if they don't 
like you. 



5. Every night, 
SOMEONE thinks about you 
before they go to sleep.
6. You mean the world to someone. 



7. You are special and unique. 



8. Someone that you don' t even know exists loves you. 



9. When you make the biggest mistake ever, 
something good comes from it. 



10. When you think the world has turned its back on you take another look. 


 

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

IT CAN'T ALL BE HEARTS AND STARS




I don’t mean to post something so morbid, but a friend of mine passed along a very powerful article that puts a few things in perspective.  I was going to edit it down for length but I didn’t want to miss sending any of the message….. No matter how bad things get or how bad we feel, someone else is going to feel worse without us.  My favorite Blogess has a more humorous take on the situation if you need a pick-me-up when done reading this...

1999
My twin brother was diagnosed with a serious clinical depression in the fall of 98. I didn’t realize the seriousness at first and I thought it would pass. But it didn’t. It got worse. Sometimes when we spoke on the phone he was angry, bitter and discouraging. I felt totally rejected. Other times he was warm and sweet like always. We talked about suicide. I told him that the one thing I was afraid of was that he would take his own life. I told him how afraid I was of losing him. The months passed. He had critical phases when he had to stay at his big brother’s house. He just couldn’t be alone. The crisis passed and he moved back home. He was divorced and lived alone. Mom and dad stayed with him during Christmas 98. He had lost weight and looked ill. January and February passed. We were approaching our 40th birthday. I had asked him to come to the city I lived in to celebrate. He said he would. But a week before he called and told me he wasn't coming. I said it was alright. But I got an uneasy feeling. I called him a few days later and asked him: could I please come and stay with him on our birthday so that we could be together? His reaction was total rejection. He was angry and hostile and our very last conversation ended like that. 
Mom: "I have an ominous feeling"
We were worried and ill at ease. He didn't answer the phone, he didn't answer the door. Finally the police and medical staff forced their way into his house. My older brother was at the hospital waiting for news. I called his cell phone. Someone answered, I didn't recognize the voice. The woman said: "We have found him, I'm sorry". In a split second our family went to pieces.
Our 40th birthday
It was the day before our 40th birthday and my twin brother had committed suicide. He had hung himself. The whole thing was like a nightmare, only I never woke up. On the morning I turned 40 I was on a train on my way to my parents house. The funeral agent came to our house just after I got home. We made arrangements for the funeral. My parents were devastated. I had to be the strong one.
A frozen heart
The viewing was the hardest part. To see my beautiful brother lying there, lifeless. They hadn't covered up the rope marks properly. I stroked his face and he was cold. He looked as if he was asleep. Something in me froze that day. My parents were completely devastated. My mother wasn't even able to pick up the phone. I thought she was going to die; she was withering away - literally. There were so many practical things to take care of. On the day of the funeral I didn't shed a tear. My head was filled with a white, cold silence. I remember thinking; Tore, forgive me, I can't cry for you today - I have to be strong, I can't lose control, there are all these things to take care of. There weren't many tears in the months that came. My life as I had known it had come to a brutal halt, but everyday life hadn't. I had to cope the best I could, I didn't dare open up to the grief, and I was afraid it would consume me completely, that I would break down and not be able to continue. I froze.
Best friends
Tore and I grew up together. He was my best friend. We were always referred to as the Twins, a unit, a team. When one of us did something wrong, they would scold both of us. When someone gave us something, we would share it. There was always a silent understanding between us. My life changed the day he died, and will never be the same. I look to the future - there are so many years left to miss him. I look back and I think to myself, who's going to help me remember?
Life must go on?
I don't remember much from the months after he died. The pain and the grief sent shock waves through my mind and body. I thought a lot about the way he died, the thought of it went on and on in my head. Every morning I woke up to the same unbearable pain. He is gone! He is NEVER coming back. There were times when I hoped I wouldn't wake up. Every little task seemed impossible, and I was so tired. I went into isolation. I felt so different from everyone else. His death was the only thing I could think about. I stopped listening to music, I didn't paint, and I didn't go out. Apart from our family and close friends, people got all shifty eyed and evasive when I started talking about my brother's death. It made me feel even more lonely and isolation seemed more appealing than pretending. For a while I withdrew from my family. When the phone rang I just let it ring. I didn't want to talk to anyone. Everyone kept asking me: "how are your parents?" It was all about them. I know they went through hell, I'm not trying to lessen their grief, but I just wished somebody would ask me how I was. Losing someone to suicide can be a terrible strain on family relations. How many of us have been through the scenario - who is suffering the most?
Sometimes it is as if his death is holding me as hostage. I can't tell my family what I really feel, they have suffered so much, I have to compensate for his death by being cheerful and optimistic.
A confusing grief
And now over four years have passed. The sharp stabs of pain and shock have lessened, but the grief and loss are creating a void inside. Not a day goes by without thinking about him. Everything is subdued; I see life as if through a veil. Losing someone to suicide is a confusing grief. There is guilt, anger, resignation, sadness, loss, introversion and loneliness, breaking like ocean waves. And the never ending oppressive thought - if I had done things differently, would he be alive today? Should we have taken the responsibility off his hands? Had him hospitalized? Did we have the right to intervene? Would he have wanted us to? These questions are wringing my heart time and time again, wearing it out.  The pain he suffered must have been excruciating. And there was nobody there to save him. The thought of my brother feeling completely alone when he died is unbearable. I went over the last day of his life time and time again. It still comes back like a fist in the pit of my stomach, but not so often now. Sometimes I feel that I don't have the right to grieve over him since he was so angry with me the last time we spoke. Sometimes I feel as if I don't deserve to be happy, because he wasn't.
I need to talk about him. To remind people that he was here among us not long ago. He was the brightest and the most successful of the children.  I don't understand. Why didn't he make it?
The realization that I let him down during the last months of his life never leaves me. I didn't call him often enough, I wasn't straightforward enough. I was - in short - a coward. I so desperately hoped it would all pass. Perhaps he didn't think I took his problems seriously.
Why did it go so terribly wrong? His self-esteem gradually became unrealistically low. He saw his life as bleak and desolate. And he wasn't able to talk about it. Finally, he couldn't bear it anymore. Why didn't he see what the rest of us saw? In our eyes it seemed as if he had everything. Why didn't he see our love and appreciation? His family and his friends loved him dearly and we loved being with him. He was warm and kind, well-informed, enthusiastic, charming and funny. It seemed as if Tore wasn't able to see.  It seems as if the depressions came and went throughout his entire life. Was the death wish always there? Sometimes I think so.
A mother's love A mother I read about in the paper said it so beautifully in a speech at her daughter's funeral; 
"All of us have a room into which no one can enter. You couldn't enter mine, and I couldn't enter yours. In that room we can gather strength, but also lose our grip on life. It is with humility and respect I have to acknowledge your choice, even if I don't understand".
A lifelong sadness The journey through grief is lifelong. But things have gradually gotten better, I am stronger now and more at peace, and for that I am entirely grateful.
Both sides of suicide My thoughts and sympathy go to both suicide survivors and those who are suicidal. Suicide survivors are trying to get over the impossible grief and the guilt. Suicidal people are battling with the loneliness and the excruciating pain. It is not easy to understand depression. To me it seems like a thief, robbing you of the life you could have had. And the fact that my brother chose death over life, gives me some indication just how terrible the disease is.
What could have been done differently?  I've been pondering over that question for months - years after Tore died. Maybe his counselors should have involved his surroundings more. Family, friends, colleagues. Created a network around him so to speak. I know the professional secrecy prevents them from doing so, but that has to change. Because it can be a question of life or death!
Our most important task after losing someone to suicide is to learn how to forgive ourselves.

Monday, January 25, 2010

MUSIC MONDAY: LA ROUX




I just downloaded the La Roux CD after hearing the song Bulletproof. I have been listening to it all day. I just checked my Itunes count and I have listened to it 6 times today. I do that a lot with new music, but this one is really good. I already love Tigerlily and loved Bulletproof instantly. In for the Kill, Quicksand, I’m Not Your Toy and Cover My Eyes. You should all download it, it was only $5 on Amazon.com.

Also every Monday on Urban Outfitters’ blog is Music Monday and you get 5 free downloads. My top pick today is Bodies by Savior Ador, but all of today’s tunes are good. The Pepi Ginsberg track grew on me throughout the day, and Salvation by the Scanners is a little dark, just how I like it.

I am a big fan of Ke$ha’s track Boots and Boys: I mean what’s better? She got me with the song title alone. On a side note to that, I just got a bonus check from work, cha-ching. And guess what??? It was for the price of these boots. Thanks Jessica Simpson for making short girls everywhere seem taller.


Friday, January 22, 2010

VAJAZZLING


Jennifer Love Hewitt was on this George Lopez show called Lopez Tonight (I always think he’s dead and have to google it). Anyway she tells him that she in which “vajazzles” her “vajayjay.” She was promoting her new book, which I know nothing about and don’t care enough to google. She tells him there’s a chapter he would really like. I guess he let a friend of hers decorate her “precious lady” with Swarovski-crystals to help her get over a break-up. I mean hey, whatever it takes. But sounds like a cheesy promotional play for this book. I think its self help or something.
{ “It really helped me. It looks like a little disco ball down there it’s great. Really.” “I am currently ‘vagazzled’,” she said. “And it’s hot pink for today, so that’s good. I’ve had no complaints about it” -JLH }
Apparently this is going to be the next big thing. Salons in New York already offer little shapes and some kind of 24 karat gold spray you can get. I wonder how long this shit lasts. When we used to do Beck’s promos in Boston we had these guys that would come work with us and Bedazzle stuff. Mainly it was cell phones, and mainly it was drunk girls who got stuff like Diva, or Bitch or worse yet, Slut embellished onto their phones. Anyway, I wonder who does the vajazzling and if it takes a lot of practice. Check it out at Warming Glow.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

PUSSERIFIC











I got a letter (email) from a friend today, and naturally felt the need to share it with all our lovely readers. It’s disgusting. And completely hilarious… She works at Lush, a totally awesome all natural product store….
So this girl comes in to my store yesterday and well, how do I put this? Umm...her skin was so scary I couldn't look.... I instantly tried to think up excuses to go to the back room. I run through the list of excuses and realize I have none. They had already been used up for the day. As I begin to panic I decide I will go talk to her and focus on her eyes so that maybe I don't notice her stomach churning broken out skin. Maybe I will get lucky and she won’t want any help and will just dismiss me so I can go stare at the pretty soaps near by.
SO...I approach and start with "Hi, how are you doing today (staring at her eyes)", she replies "I need help with facial cleansers"....FUCK! SHE NEEDS HELP and now I have to look at her skin!!! I try not to look like I just threw up in my mouth.... and say "Ok, what is your skin type like?" and she replies
"Umm, I’m kind of break out prone and my skin is oily." NO SHIT SHERLOCK.... your face looks like Mount Vesuvius is growing all over it and it is so shiny there is a glare from the store lights bouncing off your face that is blinding me.

I explain which facial cleansers she should use and am thankful I can look at the cleansers instead of the white heads all over her face....Hello? You have fingernails...use them to pop that shit!!!! You know I love a good zit but OMG, these were a species of zit I had never seen before...and they terrified me. I tried to picture my favorite zip popping to calm myself, you know, the curly Q ones? But suddenly my fave zit popping turned into a nightmare as I pictured her massive ones popping and hitting me in the eye causing immediate blindness.... it was awful.
She then tells me maybe her skin isn't oily and asks if I can touch it and tell her! I froze. TOUCH IT?? REALLY? My heart started to race and my super nice and helpful work persona began to crumble.... all I could think was "Touch you? I will have to chop off my own hand if I do that.... I wouldn't touch your face with a rubber glove on.... you touch it if you want someone to touch it...your face is a mess, do u wash it with shit?" I refrain once again and say "it looks a bit on the oily side like you said and I don't want to get dirt on your skin."
Needless to say, she bought what I suggested.... I’m permanently scarred with the image of my hand on her face covered in puss and black heads.... my love of popping curly Q zits is forever tainted.... she ruined one of my favorite things.
Speaking of pimple popping parties…Last night I was in the car with this girl and she was talking about popping her cat’s blackheads.
OH. EM. GEE.
I plugged my ears and tied my hood around my face, I wanted to vomit. We all know I love a good zit pop as well and my personal faves are the ones that erupt and splat on the mirror but really, A CAT???!! And where exactly does a cat get blackheads? VOM. Big time.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

MIXY MATCHY

My mother is constantly telling me I look "interesting." She also claims that my clothes don't match. I tell her they go together. She says they don't. This happens every time we see each other. Every single time. So I have a secret file I keep on my computer of outfits that may or may not match. Its like my "I know what I'm doing when I get dressed, Mom" file. Today I sent her these gems with the subject: clothes that don't match but people wear anyway. She will see that I am right eventually.





Ps. What's the opinion on socks with peep toes? Super dorky trend that will soon disappear? School girl wannabe? What's the appropriate age for this anyway?


WEASEL WEDNESDAY: BIRTHDAY WEASEL EDITION



- If he’s ok with being your rebound… twice…
- If you finally get the nerve to tell him how you feel about him, he goes on vacation, tells you he’s been thinking about you, and he wishes he could snap his fingers and make you appear, that he can think of lots of “fun things” to do there with you, and then declines your offer to pick him up from the airport, and asks a new biddy to pick him up instead…
- If you spend two entire days together and he gets drunk the second night and sleeps with someone else….
- If your friends, and friends boyfriends are telling you to “be careful,”…
- If he says he doesn’t want a relationship, but wants to have sex with you…
{Me: But you don't do relationships.

Weasel: Haha but I did with you and think I want to do it again.

Me: But I don't want to "do" a relationship with you.

Weasel: I love your sarcasm. I miss it. I miss everything about you...}
- If he talks about marriage, then takes you to dinner at a crowded restaurant and tells you he cheated on you.... piece of shit weasel.
- If you introduce him to a long lost bff and 2 months later he breaks up with you and has her move into the apartment you shared with him.... he is a fucking death weasel.
Ok we had so many Weasels this week it was tough to choose who to feature as our weasel of the week. So check back next week for the runner(s) up.
If he breaks up with you, has a birthday party, invites all of your/ his friends and tells you that you can’t come….
If he then asks to take your out to dinner because he needs a date on his birthday….
If said guy bangs someone else that night (after asking you not to) and lies about it….

He’s the Weasel of the Week.


For more weaselry, check out here. And here.

Monday, January 18, 2010

BURN BABY BURN



Tons of people had a shitty 2009. My friends and I were no exception. Out with the old and in with the new, right? When out’s not enough, fire is. We had a bonfire and burned away all of the problems of 2009. Ex’s, bad jobs, bad people, you name it, we burnt it. (Note: burning fabric makes ash snow)

The fire was built in a firepit on a deck. It was blazing large enough for the Urban Outfitter to see it from her house. Almost. All was going great and all the evidence was destroyed.

Next thing you know, a dude in alley a few houses away starts yelling "yo!" Sasha replies: "yo!" and thinks its just some random begging for a cheesburger. Dude in alley yells up and asks what we are burning. Dude: "what are you burning?!" Sasha: "wood!" Dude in alley: "why?!" Sasha: "cause its cold out!" Dude in alley: "put it out now!" Sasha: "why?!" Dude in alley: "because if you don't well bring a hose through your house and do it for you!!!" yep that’s right, the fire department came. OOPS! Burn= SUCCESS!!!

JESUS, LIES AND WRISTBANDS



Happy MLK Day. Do a good deed today and get double karma points. I said so. Thanksfully we have another comic relief story from our good ole' friend Salad Bitch....


This past weekend my restaurant was asked to be the food vendor for this extremely large sports complex in Chester County. Basically, it's a fieldhouse with every imaginable sport going on, packed with screaming kids ranging from 5 to 18 years old. Basically, it's my own version of hell.
Anyway, there was this cute all-american guy looking trainer there who built up the nerves to come up to talk to my friend A and I. His introduction was "So I'm going to this bar in Harrisburg tonight and it's one of those parties where you have different color wristbands to signify if you're single (green), semi-looking (yellow), or in a relationship (red). I don't know which color to wear- could you guys help me decide?" Okay- first sign-this is gay.

We ask him his story, he tells us that he's been dating this girl, they are "going their separate ways", and so he thinks he's going to wear the yellow band. He literally talked to us about this for upwards of an hour, to which I finally said "I think you should wear rainbow because this is really gay." Nevertheless he settled on yellow. Whatever.
Before he left for the night, he invites us up and gives me his cell phone number "in case" we decide to meet up. Of course he says "call me now so I have yours", to which I HAD to. Annoying. Predictably that night, I start getting the barrage of texts: "where are you?" "you're so hot" "why won't you come out with me?" "I'm waaaaasted". I had to shut off my phone it was so bad.
The next day, Sunday, we again were at the sports complex selling food, and again, we saw Livestrong (his new nickname b/c of the yellow band). He really was cute, and very funny and a really nice guy, so I may have given him a chance. He floats the idea by A and I that we should all go out after work. Since my heat had been broken since the prior day and not wanting to go home to a freezing house, I said okay. Whatever- it was going to be a group and I had nothing better to do.
Come 7:00, A came down with a stomach bug and had to leave, so it was just me who would be going out with Livestrong. Again- whatever- no biggie. We decided to go to a bar to have a beer and watch the end of the football game.
Turns out we had a really nice conversation and he started to grow on me. Despite the fact that he was a former Jesus-jammer, I thought maybe the guy had potential. Maybe. We said goodbye (no making out), and that was it.
Fast forward to the next day, approximately 5pm. I get an email with his name in the subject.
It says: "I just wanted you to know that _______ has a girlfriend. I don't know how much he has told you, but we have been together for 3 years and live together."
Okay, this bitch is nuts. How'd she get my email? Apparently she went into his Facebook, saw he friended me, and God knows what else. I am a busy girl and I don't have time to deal with relationship drama, let alone get in the middle of someone else's relationship. This is the reason why I choose not to have a boyfriend- because I can't deal with bullshit like this. Since I was tired, annoyed, and pissed off, I decided to teach this chick (and Livestrong) a lesson.
I reply "I am in no way interested in _________. Sorry if you think something is going on. He mentioned to us that he is dating someone, so don't think you are getting kicked to the curb. Oh, good luck on the engagement!!"
Muaaaahhahhhhhhaaahahah. Now this pyscho thinks Livestrong told us he was going to marry her. I love giving people a false sense of hope- she is probably at David's Bridal right now on her second dress fitting and has already picked out the nicest Fire Hall in Delaware County for the reception.
She responds: "Do you work at ______ with ______?"
Bad idea, bitch.
I respond "No. I work in a strip club. He came in with a bunch of his friends and gave me A LOT of money. Apparently when he was out the other night in Harrisburg, he told his friends about me and they wanted to see my picture. He talked about you the entire time though- sorry :/"
Ten minutes later I start getting frantic calls from Livestrong that I of course ignore. Then the texts come: "why won't you talk to me?!" "I promise we are breaking up. She's overbearing and has three kids!" "PLEASE TALK TO ME!" "I really CARE about you" (huh?) "Why did you say you work in a strip club? I want to live!"....... Of course I didn't respond.
I wonder what happened when he got home from work that night.........


Just in case you were wondering, I totally think this guy is a weasel. :) But good stories are ALWAYS worthwhile.

Friday, January 15, 2010

MY BIG FAT SECRET (and pics of a butt!)



Here is a disclaimer because it’s our blog and we can say what we want. If you think the blog is “weird” don’t read it. We really don’t care. We like it and that’s what matters.

MODG made me feel like I was holding out or something and failing to share my amazing secret. It’s not really a secret anymore as she tried to buy them today and they were sold out everywhere. I don’t really “do” sneakers, especially not outside of a gym. But I got them anyway back right before Thanksgiving and used them just for walking around the house etc. Yes, folks, this is my second official post about Reebok Easytones.

These are the ones I have:


They are gold and silver and surprising go with everything I wear. I have been wearing them… in PUBLIC. Nothing too drastic, just to the grocery store and stuff.

- I got them from Lady Footlocker online. They were $110, I got free shipping. I got them from LFL there in case I had to return them, but I didn't. I am usually a size 6 and when I got them I wished I had a 5.5 but I kept them and they are good.


- I just started running in them 2 weeks ago, and I feel fine. I do feel like they work. I recommend walking around in them for a week or so before getting on the treadmill in them if you think you will have trouble with your balance. They are a LITTLE hard to get used to on floors like linoleum or whatever, I feel like I always get stuck on the floor at the grocery store and my shoes squeak. Otherwise, they are great.

- Here is why I am convinced they work. (See pictures) Note, as soon as I got them I probably started walking more in general, I did that when I got the flip-flops too. But they are comfortable.

Picture 1 is before I started using the shoes:

Picture 2 is about 6 weeks after I had been walking in them.

I could be delusional but I see a difference, and feel it more importantly. Also yes I am psychotic but I take pictures of everything so I can prove to myself its all worth it. And remember this is without even running... ok advice line is open all day if you have more ?s

Thursday, January 14, 2010

PSYCHO SURGERIES


I hate to even promote her or her toolbag husband, but Heidi Montag is freaking nuts. She’s on the cover of People magazine and has had a ton of plastic surgery. She admitted to having 10 procedures done in one day.



Here’s the 10 procedures Heidi underwent: 1.) nose job revision, 2.) chin reduction, 3.) mini brow lift, 4.) botox in forehead and frown area, 5.) fat injections in cheeks, nasolabial folds and lips, 6.) neck liposuction, 7.) ears pinned back, 8.) liposuction on waist, hips and inner and outer thighs,9.) buttock augmentation and 10.) breast augmentation revision.
WTF??? She didn’t tell her family at all (wonder why). She is only 23, its so sad, she thought she was on her journey to become "the best me." "For the past three years, I've thought about what to have done," the reality star tells PEOPLE. "I'm beyond obsessed." [On the next step for her now DDD-sized breasts: “I’m already planning my next surgery – I’m determined to get bigger ones!”]



She started in November and here’s what she looks like now. Pretty, yes, scary, getting there. People are already comparing her to Michael Jackson, not in a good way. Apparently Spencer weighs in on this in People, but one thing I read says he said he was “proud of her.” Proud of her getting plastic surgery? What a freak. He probably just wants her to shut up about babies….

YOUR FRIENDLY NEIGHBORHOOD HOOKER


Today is another exciting update on my cat lady, hoarder, weirdo neighbor. She still continues with the nightly cat hunt around my windows...."HERE KITTY KITTY!" But these days she has found that meowing loudly to her cats must round them up faster. I keep wondering what she is really saying to them in cat talk. Probably some sort of mating call. Gross. Along with the new found cat calling technique, there comes big news. SH is convinced that she is definitely, one hundred percent, no question about it.... a prostitute. Yep, you read it here first folks! I must say that the evidence points to this being true. Let's go over it, shall we....


- She doesn't go to any type of job during the day.
- There are always different cars "visiting" her place.
- She is always driving "a friends car" and it's never the same one.
- At move in, she warned me that she is nocturnal.
- She says that she does massages.
- And lastly, the moment SH concluded that she is def a hook was the other day when he had to knock on her door because a strange car was parked in our spot. He knocks, and through the door she asks who it is. "It's your neighbor." She tells him that she isn't decent, and she can't open the door. SH then asks her about the car in our driveway. "Oh, That's my friends car. Sorry, he'll move it." SH comes to our place and of course watches out of the window. Man comes out, messily dressed, gets in the car and leaves. SH says it was the exact amount of time it takes a guy to throw on his pants and shirt, and walk out the door. (I didn't know this was an exact science. I learned something new.) We have yet to see this "friend" again, but a few different cars have taken it's place.

So, the question of the day..... Hooker, or not? Let's take a survey.

PS... As I am about to post, a dude just showed up in a taxi at her house. Wow.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Ga Ga Ga....Blah Blah Blah.


I received this email from DFW, who is one of my absolute faves. She wrote this because she was bored at work, and of course for my personal viewing pleasure. Earning those dollars!! And, OH BOY, am I glad she shared. I thought I should in turn share it with our Blog besties. And by all means... please add to the list of pre babyness.


Things I have to accomplish this year before I’ll “give in and get pregnant already”:

  1. Get my wedding body back (one year’s worth of heavenly bliss has taken that from me).
  2. Go to Europe, preferably Italy, but I’m flexible.
  3. Buy a ridiculously expensive pair of shoes. (Shoe Dazzle doesn't count I guess...)
  4. Go to Vegas and do whatever it takes to be “That girl at the club last night…”
  5. Go somewhere in Central America.
  6. Learn how to cook 5 awesome meals that I’ll never have time to make with a kid around- fancy stuff that has lots of steps and ingredients that I have to search for.
  7. Finish decorating my house.
  8. Have a super sweet party at my new house with friends from out of town, in town, and complete strangers who just show up. Like the ones I’d have at my parent’s house when they were out of town.
  9. Get really obsessively anal about my anti-looking old regime so that no kid could ever make me think I have no time for it.
  10. Go somewhere tropical where I can lay around and get skin cancer (not really, had that- it sucks) and drink anything served to me with a tiny umbrella.
  11. Read all of the books I’ve bought over the last year, started, never finished, then placed on a shelf for d├ęcor. (also known as door stops)
  12. Go discover some good local bands. I had this in Austin, lost it when I moved to Dallas, maybe Fort Worth’s got something worth hearing…
  13. Hire an awesome photographer and have family pictures taken, just us and the dogs, before a baby comes along and has to be in all the pictures. Show stealer. (aka Life Stealer)
  14. Create a cool wall collage of above mentioned photos along with other cool “pre-baby” family photos.
  15. Invite every girl friend I have- even the ones I don’t really like that much- to my house for a no boys, wine-bar hopping, slumber party, cheesy weekend. Or long weekend. Or multiple weekends.
  16. Get a gun. And learn how to shoot it. I don’t care what people say. I NEED it.
  17. Research and find super cute and trendy maternity clothing stores/websites. If I’ve gotta get fat I’m going to dress it up as much as possible.
  18. Find a way to volunteer for and with animals. Then try to convince Husband to let me adopt some of them.
  19. Develop some hobbies that don’t involve online shopping because I’m sure I’ll have a spending cap once I’m not working and am at home with kids.
  20. Set some shit straight with some people who are going to be around my babies and discuss what’s appropriate and what’s definitely NOT. Better to set the ground rules ahead of time. (Hmmmm... In laws much?)

WEASEL WEDNESDAY: RANDOM WEASEL EDITION

Yay its Wednesday! I am super excited for Sleepover Friday at the Batcave so here's a post created out of my complete glee. (yes, I said GLEE!!!)
F that cheesy movie line. And don’t be offended. But I really enjoyed searching pictures of weasels last week. (see here) And I loved hearing everyone’s stories of messed up stuff guys (or girls) do. So keep them coming if you want me to be happy. So here’s this week’s post:
He’s probably a weasel.



10. If he says "I don't do relationships" then…..
9. If you are dating someone for a while, and when you make it official on Facebook everyone wonders who you are…..
8. If you guys are texting all day about meeting up and that night he tells you he’s with a “new chicky”…..
7. If he just moved into a new apartment, and you find an earring~ he says he found it while unpacking, but the next morning you see the mate by the door….
6. If he takes you to dinner with his mom, and then blows you off the next two days.....
5. If you went with him to buy an engagement ring and wedding set 3 years ago, and he still hasn't given it to you...
4. If he buys you a used exercise bike for Valentine's Day…..
3. If he tells you he was a contestant on the Bachelorette and he's loaded, then you check the Bachelorette website and he is nowhere to be found……….
2. If he asks you to be his girlfriend after you get plastic surgery…..
1. If he sends you home from a night of passion to walk several drunken blocks home....without pants...or underwear……….
...... HE'S PROBABLY A WEASEL.
Thanks to Julie, Ginger, Kys and Tpos for their comments last week…

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

MISSED CONNECTIONS


I was recently introduced to “missed connections” on Craigslist. This shit is funny. I try to convince my tree friend that every one is me. Most of them are so vague it doesn’t sound far off. …. Like…. Saw short girl at bar, I think you saw me too. Are you kidding me? I get it if you talk to someone and don’t get their number, want to give it one last short or something random like. For sanity's sake I am only reading and posting about men seeking women. Here’s a few found I found of particular interest. Are these people for real?

Walnut between 8th and 9th - m4w (Walnut St)

Date: 2010-01-11, 5:03PM EST

We were walking in opposite directions at some point between 4:15 and 4:30 PM today. As we passed, we exchanged a smile.

You're extremely cute. If you happen to read CL maybe we can chat?

Are you f’in kidding me? Someone smiled at you? I smile at homeless people. Don’t post a missed connection over that.

Walking on Walnut St - m4w (1:45 PM Around 15th St)

Date: 2010-01-12, 2:44PM EST

I was walking east on Walnut (ummmm, toward the Delaware river). You were heading west and when you passed me, we caught eyes for a few seconds, I hate to stare but that's what we both did. You smiled, I clammed up like a typical guy! DAMN! Oh well, you were sorta short, I didn't notice what you were wearing as I could not get past your smile. I know you will never see this, but at least the whole cyber world now knows how hot you are!

Signed,

A Stunned pedestrian

Sorta short? Wtf? What does that even mean? I give this one points for entertaiment value at least!

can i get help from anyone - m4w

Date: 2010-01-11, 11:15PM EST

i ve recently seemingly destroyed a relationship….. BLAH BLAH SKIP THIS

that i've wanted for years and ended up with it for about five weeks the story is complicated and a little long to put on here. basically there was talk in the neighborhood that she was being shady and i acted on it. but she wasn't. after several near break ups we finally started getting back to where we were. then i did something really messed up yesterday and now she is saying its over. this is someone i've been friends with for a long time before this happened. we both fell in love very quickly once this started. we were already talking about children and marriage even though we knew it was a couple years off. can anyone offer any advice as to how to get her back?

READ HERE….i'm devastated without her

Dude first off, get some spell check and get off Craigslist. Secondly, you don’t have a mom, a sister, a friend, anyone who you can talk to, that’s terrible. Or maybe its just a joke, scam or drunk post (11:15pm??)?

Ok so this may be entertaining enough to keep its spot on the bookmarks bar with Texts from Last Night. Only time will tell….