Fight Club is the best.

No really, its my favorite movie. That combined with the fact that a very cute boy told me its his favorite author, here is my Chuck Palahniuk (he wrote Fight Club)tribute. To be honest there were so many it was hard to pick just 2. What a wise wise man.

very cute boy also made me this. Yes, that is in fact my signature dance move caught on film. It's really that good.

enough said.

Total Death Star

So in Batspeak a death star is anyone who becomes more famous or recognized after they die.  The goal is obvs to become "Phamous" but if that doesn't happen we will be happy to be a death star.  I have already instructed my tree friend to grab my computer and immediately publish everything if i die because that will def make me super fame monster important, and although I will be dead, at least my efforts will have been recognized.

The alternate definition for death star in batspeak would be to really emphasize a feeling or emotion.  Like I am death star miserable today.

Anyway, its no secret our love of fashion and weirdness here at the Batcave and Alexander McQueen is one of our all time favorite designers.  I mean Lady GaGa agrees with us so we must be right.

I was thrilled to sign on Coco Perez today and see that McQueen's line's profits have gone up 1400%.  Way to go AQ!  Make that $$, death star.

Much Love,
Bats

Words from the Wise.

He is a Zach Braff: a dumb a**hole in a nerdy cute guy's body... very deceiving... the worst kind.

Every girl has dated one at some point in time. You lower your physical standards in the hope of finding more substance, but there is none. Instead just a nerdy d-bag who got off on the fact that he dated someone superior to himself. *stumbles off soap box*

This is a real conversation.

i'm a degenerate too!

2:50 PM

wahhhh

i am a loser

i need to cleanse my aura

how do i do that?

i should google it

2:55 PM

f***ing heart palps today

f'in death wish today

that was my saying yesterday. death star miserable

i dont even know what a death star is but it sounds cool

oh it's when stars die unexpectedly, ie, the clueless girl

oh! right

she was such a death star

3:05 PM

or get more famous after they die

like the kid in the hot air balloon.

except he didn't die. hahah

3:10 PM

hahahaaha

and he wasn't a star

he was a far

feath far

3:25 PM

Bitter Musings and Mockeries

Here are some great ideas for (Anti) Valentine’s Day.  At least in my opinion.  Which is the one the matters most.

1. Toilet noise blocker.  I don’t think this makes a lot of sense but I like it anyway.  “…makes the noise of a toilet flushing to hide the other noises you might be making. Press the button twice and the sound of flushing lasts for 25 seconds. This little device means you won't have to flush for real and thus saves water.”

2. Say Something Dirty To 45 Friends, Lovers And Mailmen by Brook Lundy & Duncan Mitchell.  This pretty much speaks for itself.  And its awesome.

3. Bittersweets®. I will never look at Candy hearts the same way again.  And I love them.  But these make me laugh.  Bahahahahaha… another great idea.

Definitely geared at the bitter and distraught…  “For most, there is no crueler day of the calendar year than that of Valentine's Day. While a tiny fraction of the population can look forward to a holiday of wine and roses, poetry and song, the vast majority of us can anticipate a day of nausea and grimacing, trauma and grief. A day in which minutes seem like hours, and hours like days, as we reflect sorrowfully on yesteryear's romantic indignities, today's loneliness, and the unknowable but certain heartbreak that will be visited upon us repeatedly in the years to come.”

"Unlike other candy hearts, ours are stamped with bitter musings and mockeries perfectly suited to the dejected spirits of those who will spend the holiday alone, or wishing they were."

You can shoose your own collection, I like dejected or dysfunctional.

"Dejected" sayings include:

I MISS MY EX* PEAKED AT 17* TABLE FOR 1*

I CRY ON Q* U C MY BLOG? * A FINE WHINE*

MOMMY ISSUES * DIGNITY FREE * DORK MAGNET * PURE NAUSEA

WE HAD PLANS* SETTLE 4LESS* I'M HOT INSIDE

"Dysfunctional" sayings include:

I BEEN CREEPIN *P.S. I LUV ME * DO MY DISHES* BOOTY INFL8N

PAROLE IS UP! *AWFUL INLAWS * I WANT HALF*

NO FIX 4 DUMB* RATHER DRINK * MUTUAL DISGUST

Available in six different flavors, including: Banana Chalk, Grape Dust, Nappy-Citric, You-Call-This-Lime?, Pink Sand and Fossilized Antacid.

4. These underwear: 

5. Beer gloss.  “The Valentine’s Day gift that makes her happy, and makes you happy too.”

Funniest singles event I have seen yet:  Sleep-Mate date Night.  

Held at Ikea and sponsored by a bunch of liquor companies (go figure) and encourages singles to meet up in bed and try out mattresses.  So disgusting, but so funny.

 Bats and caves.  xox, US

PAULY D: STILL ON THE MARKET

EXCLUSIVE: DJ Pauly D Denies Affair with Teen Mom Farrah Abraham | RadarOnline.com

No worries readers, Pauly claims he is not dating Farrah from teen moms.  No MTV reality dream ending for her.  He however, is rumored to have asked for $10,000 per ep, along with the rest of the cast.  They got $200 an ep last season.  These kids have it made.

He made a "how-to" video about doing his hair.  He said it takes about 25 minutes to do his hair and spends 15 full seconds spraying his hair with hairspray.  All I kept thinking is that he probably gets those hair products for free and that I was jeally.

VAJAZZLING

Jennifer Love Hewitt was on this George Lopez show called Lopez Tonight (I always think he’s dead and have to google it). Anyway she tells him that she in which “vajazzles” her “vajayjay.” She was promoting her new book, which I know nothing about and don’t care enough to google. She tells him there’s a chapter he would really like. I guess he let a friend of hers decorate her “precious lady” with Swarovski-crystals to help her get over a break-up. I mean hey, whatever it takes. But sounds like a cheesy promotional play for this book. I think its self help or something.

{ “It really helped me. It looks like a little disco ball down there it’s great. Really.” “I am currently ‘vagazzled’,” she said. “And it’s hot pink for today, so that’s good. I’ve had no complaints about it” -JLH }

Apparently this is going to be the next big thing. Salons in New York already offer little shapes and some kind of 24 karat gold spray you can get. I wonder how long this shit lasts. When we used to do Beck’s promos in Boston we had these guys that would come work with us and Bedazzle stuff. Mainly it was cell phones, and mainly it was drunk girls who got stuff like Diva, or Bitch or worse yet, Slut embellished onto their phones. Anyway, I wonder who does the vajazzling and if it takes a lot of practice. Check it out at Warming Glow.

PSYCHO SURGERIES

I hate to even promote her or her toolbag husband, but Heidi Montag is freaking nuts. She’s on the cover of People magazine and has had a ton of plastic surgery. She admitted to having 10 procedures done in one day.

Here’s the 10 procedures Heidi underwent: 1.) nose job revision, 2.) chin reduction, 3.) mini brow lift, 4.) botox in forehead and frown area, 5.) fat injections in cheeks, nasolabial folds and lips, 6.) neck liposuction, 7.) ears pinned back, 8.) liposuction on waist, hips and inner and outer thighs,9.) buttock augmentation and 10.) breast augmentation revision.

WTF??? She didn’t tell her family at all (wonder why). She is only 23, its so sad, she thought she was on her journey to become "the best me." "For the past three years, I've thought about what to have done," the reality star tells PEOPLE. "I'm beyond obsessed." [On the next step for her now DDD-sized breasts: “I’m already planning my next surgery – I’m determined to get bigger ones!”]

She started in November and here’s what she looks like now. Pretty, yes, scary, getting there. People are already comparing her to Michael Jackson, not in a good way. Apparently Spencer weighs in on this in People, but one thing I read says he said he was “proud of her.” Proud of her getting plastic surgery? What a freak. He probably just wants her to shut up about babies….