Friday, July 15, 2011

The Blue Gum Incident.

(Also know as The girl who got blue gum stuck in her pubes.)

I can’t chew Winterfresh gum. I don’t even like to look at it. It skeeves me out because I cant think about blue gum without thinking about it being stuck in Penny Piper’s pubes. Obviusoly the name is made up to protect the guilty. I will never forget this story from back a few years ago. (Nor will I ever look at Winterfresh gum the same way.) A good friend of mine had this roommate. She was a cool enough girl but not always the nicest. So truth be told, the legend of the blue gum is quite possibly the best thing she has going for her. Said girl was hooking up with this guy, as all of us do in New England. *

Anyway… girl and guy must have fallen asleep while he was going down on her.** LOL on its own…. Before the blue gum even takes its starring role. She woke up in the morning, in her roommates bed nonetheless, with blue gum all smattered in her pubes. It was enough of a mess that she had to cut it out. Who even has enough pubes to cut these days? And whose scissors did she use? Did she end up with a bald spot? Did she dispose of the scissors or disinfect them? Best part of the story, she says “the weird thing is it was my gum.”

She ended up running to said gum chewer and decided to give things another go round. Bad move on her part, she ended up kicking him out after he tried to have sex with her while she still had her underwear on. My first reaction was “that had to hurt.“ I just keep imagining this frumpy girl with her frumpy hair in her frump Boston sweatshirt, with blue gum in her pubes. What a great story, but what’s then last time anyone actually had pubes? I remember shaving them in my college dorm shower freshman year and never looking back. Here’s to hoping she cleaned up since then.

*{It’s too damn cold to sleep alone. And the bars, the lovely delicious bars with their lovely delicious drinks. Yes, we all got very very drunk. Especially in the winters. It was this, or succumb to wearing brown turtleneck sweaters with jeans and flat brown shoes. I chose this drunkenness, and did so in my slutty college variety of black polyester tanks in a plethora of shapes and sizes from Forever 21. With jeans and black boots. Because EVERYONE in Boston wears jeans. And Northface fleeces. }

**{Sidenote: I had a boyfriend fall asleep while we were having sex in college. Bad idea. I gave this fair-haired kid the best/ worst hickey of all time, and the day before a family function at that. Bastard deserved it, and I was forever known a“the girlfriend who gave the ridiculous hickey. “}

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Happy thoughts.

We all have those days. Or weeks, or even months, when things feel so... tragic.

It's the little things that help.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Fight Club is the best.

No really, its my favorite movie. That combined with the fact that a very cute boy told me its his favorite author, here is my Chuck Palahniuk (he wrote Fight Club)tribute. To be honest there were so many it was hard to pick just 2. What a wise wise man.

very cute boy also made me this. Yes, that is in fact my signature dance move caught on film. It's really that good.
enough said.

Sunday, June 12, 2011

This is your life.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Disney princesses gone wrong.

Sometimes I like to post random stuff I find just for the hell of it. This is one of those times. To be honest, even as a grown ass woman these are a little traumatic. Since when do Disney princesses partake in real life??

Seriously. This makes me hungry. Til I realize its the Little Mermaid.
This is reminiscent of the Nip/ Tuck barbie nipple removal episode. Just me? Sorry.

More or less appropriate after Bin Laden's death? Oh whatever.

Winces. gasps. this is real life, Snow?

Oh thats how you end up here. Maybe we should have stuck with the sushi.

Monday, May 30, 2011

Riversharks are like river rats.

Its been weird lately. I have been busy. Working 2 jobs and getting paid for one. The mommy job has its own payment. But after 2 and a half year I finally conceded to the fact that I need to start hanging out with other kids. I do this for 2.5 yo's sake, but its starting to get fun. Who would have thought I would be so suburban. So I now find cool people with kids or cool people who are watching other people's kids and I go random places with them. Bonus points if they have creatures.

So here's some pictures of us at the Riversharks Game. What the heck is a Rivershark? Its like a River Rat. But instead of a rat, its a shark. Got it?

The kids below are having fun. My oddball kid is off to the side. Probably because he had been grwoling like a monster at the other kids all day and they thought he was weird. He's a bit of a Shane Botwin, but hopefully without the murderous tendencies. The bigger kid in the photo is 5 and told his mom that 2.5 yo scared him. What a little freak 2.5 yo is.

oh the players saw me behind the bullpen and called me "hot headband girl." #winning

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

We have friends who talk about important stuff. Like Snooki

So we all know (and love love or secretly love) the Jersey Shore. This will not be the first or last post about it.

But we know people. Who know people at Fox. Who know people who know Snooki.

Let's hear it for the boys. And the oompa loompas.