The Blue Gum Incident.

(Also know as The girl who got blue gum stuck in her pubes.)

I can’t chew Winterfresh gum. I don’t even like to look at it. It skeeves me out because I cant think about blue gum without thinking about it being stuck in Penny Piper’s pubes. Obviusoly the name is made up to protect the guilty. I will never forget this story from back a few years ago. (Nor will I ever look at Winterfresh gum the same way.) A good friend of mine had this roommate. She was a cool enough girl but not always the nicest. So truth be told, the legend of the blue gum is quite possibly the best thing she has going for her. Said girl was hooking up with this guy, as all of us do in New England. *

Anyway… girl and guy must have fallen asleep while he was going down on her.** LOL on its own…. Before the blue gum even takes its starring role. She woke up in the morning, in her roommates bed nonetheless, with blue gum all smattered in her pubes. It was enough of a mess that she had to cut it out. Who even has enough pubes to cut these days? And whose scissors did she use? Did she end up with a bald spot? Did she dispose of the scissors or disinfect them? Best part of the story, she says “the weird thing is it was my gum.”

She ended up running to said gum chewer and decided to give things another go round. Bad move on her part, she ended up kicking him out after he tried to have sex with her while she still had her underwear on. My first reaction was “that had to hurt.“ I just keep imagining this frumpy girl with her frumpy hair in her frump Boston sweatshirt, with blue gum in her pubes. What a great story, but what’s then last time anyone actually had pubes? I remember shaving them in my college dorm shower freshman year and never looking back. Here’s to hoping she cleaned up since then.

*{It’s too damn cold to sleep alone. And the bars, the lovely delicious bars with their lovely delicious drinks. Yes, we all got very very drunk. Especially in the winters. It was this, or succumb to wearing brown turtleneck sweaters with jeans and flat brown shoes. I chose this drunkenness, and did so in my slutty college variety of black polyester tanks in a plethora of shapes and sizes from Forever 21. With jeans and black boots. Because EVERYONE in Boston wears jeans. And Northface fleeces. }

**{Sidenote: I had a boyfriend fall asleep while we were having sex in college. Bad idea. I gave this fair-haired kid the best/ worst hickey of all time, and the day before a family function at that. Bastard deserved it, and I was forever known a“the girlfriend who gave the ridiculous hickey. “}