PUSSERIFIC

I got a letter (email) from a friend today, and naturally felt the need to share it with all our lovely readers. It’s disgusting. And completely hilarious… She works at Lush, a totally awesome all natural product store….

So this girl comes in to my store yesterday and well, how do I put this? Umm...her skin was so scary I couldn't look.... I instantly tried to think up excuses to go to the back room. I run through the list of excuses and realize I have none. They had already been used up for the day. As I begin to panic I decide I will go talk to her and focus on her eyes so that maybe I don't notice her stomach churning broken out skin. Maybe I will get lucky and she won’t want any help and will just dismiss me so I can go stare at the pretty soaps near by.

SO...I approach and start with "Hi, how are you doing today (staring at her eyes)", she replies "I need help with facial cleansers"....FUCK! SHE NEEDS HELP and now I have to look at her skin!!! I try not to look like I just threw up in my mouth.... and say "Ok, what is your skin type like?" and she replies

"Umm, I’m kind of break out prone and my skin is oily." NO SHIT SHERLOCK.... your face looks like Mount Vesuvius is growing all over it and it is so shiny there is a glare from the store lights bouncing off your face that is blinding me.

I explain which facial cleansers she should use and am thankful I can look at the cleansers instead of the white heads all over her face....Hello? You have fingernails...use them to pop that shit!!!! You know I love a good zit but OMG, these were a species of zit I had never seen before...and they terrified me. I tried to picture my favorite zip popping to calm myself, you know, the curly Q ones? But suddenly my fave zit popping turned into a nightmare as I pictured her massive ones popping and hitting me in the eye causing immediate blindness.... it was awful.

She then tells me maybe her skin isn't oily and asks if I can touch it and tell her! I froze. TOUCH IT?? REALLY? My heart started to race and my super nice and helpful work persona began to crumble.... all I could think was "Touch you? I will have to chop off my own hand if I do that.... I wouldn't touch your face with a rubber glove on.... you touch it if you want someone to touch it...your face is a mess, do u wash it with shit?" I refrain once again and say "it looks a bit on the oily side like you said and I don't want to get dirt on your skin."

Needless to say, she bought what I suggested.... I’m permanently scarred with the image of my hand on her face covered in puss and black heads.... my love of popping curly Q zits is forever tainted.... she ruined one of my favorite things.

Speaking of pimple popping parties…Last night I was in the car with this girl and she was talking about popping her cat’s blackheads.

OH. EM. GEE.

I plugged my ears and tied my hood around my face, I wanted to vomit. We all know I love a good zit pop as well and my personal faves are the ones that erupt and splat on the mirror but really, A CAT???!! And where exactly does a cat get blackheads? VOM. Big time.