Salad Creations in Exton, PA

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JESUS, LIES AND WRISTBANDS

Happy MLK Day. Do a good deed today and get double karma points. I said so. Thanksfully we have another comic relief story from our good ole' friend Salad Bitch....


This past weekend my restaurant was asked to be the food vendor for this extremely large sports complex in Chester County. Basically, it's a fieldhouse with every imaginable sport going on, packed with screaming kids ranging from 5 to 18 years old. Basically, it's my own version of hell.
Anyway, there was this cute all-american guy looking trainer there who built up the nerves to come up to talk to my friend A and I. His introduction was "So I'm going to this bar in Harrisburg tonight and it's one of those parties where you have different color wristbands to signify if you're single (green), semi-looking (yellow), or in a relationship (red). I don't know which color to wear- could you guys help me decide?" Okay- first sign-this is gay.

We ask him his story, he tells us that he's been dating this girl, they are "going their separate ways", and so he thinks he's going to wear the yellow band. He literally talked to us about this for upwards of an hour, to which I finally said "I think you should wear rainbow because this is really gay." Nevertheless he settled on yellow. Whatever.
Before he left for the night, he invites us up and gives me his cell phone number "in case" we decide to meet up. Of course he says "call me now so I have yours", to which I HAD to. Annoying. Predictably that night, I start getting the barrage of texts: "where are you?" "you're so hot" "why won't you come out with me?" "I'm waaaaasted". I had to shut off my phone it was so bad.
The next day, Sunday, we again were at the sports complex selling food, and again, we saw Livestrong (his new nickname b/c of the yellow band). He really was cute, and very funny and a really nice guy, so I may have given him a chance. He floats the idea by A and I that we should all go out after work. Since my heat had been broken since the prior day and not wanting to go home to a freezing house, I said okay. Whatever- it was going to be a group and I had nothing better to do.
Come 7:00, A came down with a stomach bug and had to leave, so it was just me who would be going out with Livestrong. Again- whatever- no biggie. We decided to go to a bar to have a beer and watch the end of the football game.
Turns out we had a really nice conversation and he started to grow on me. Despite the fact that he was a former Jesus-jammer, I thought maybe the guy had potential. Maybe. We said goodbye (no making out), and that was it.
Fast forward to the next day, approximately 5pm. I get an email with his name in the subject.
It says: "I just wanted you to know that _______ has a girlfriend. I don't know how much he has told you, but we have been together for 3 years and live together."
Okay, this bitch is nuts. How'd she get my email? Apparently she went into his Facebook, saw he friended me, and God knows what else. I am a busy girl and I don't have time to deal with relationship drama, let alone get in the middle of someone else's relationship. This is the reason why I choose not to have a boyfriend- because I can't deal with bullshit like this. Since I was tired, annoyed, and pissed off, I decided to teach this chick (and Livestrong) a lesson.
I reply "I am in no way interested in _________. Sorry if you think something is going on. He mentioned to us that he is dating someone, so don't think you are getting kicked to the curb. Oh, good luck on the engagement!!"
Muaaaahhahhhhhhaaahahah. Now this pyscho thinks Livestrong told us he was going to marry her. I love giving people a false sense of hope- she is probably at David's Bridal right now on her second dress fitting and has already picked out the nicest Fire Hall in Delaware County for the reception.
She responds: "Do you work at ______ with ______?"
Bad idea, bitch.
I respond "No. I work in a strip club. He came in with a bunch of his friends and gave me A LOT of money. Apparently when he was out the other night in Harrisburg, he told his friends about me and they wanted to see my picture. He talked about you the entire time though- sorry :/"
Ten minutes later I start getting frantic calls from Livestrong that I of course ignore. Then the texts come: "why won't you talk to me?!" "I promise we are breaking up. She's overbearing and has three kids!" "PLEASE TALK TO ME!" "I really CARE about you" (huh?) "Why did you say you work in a strip club? I want to live!"....... Of course I didn't respond.
I wonder what happened when he got home from work that night.........


Just in case you were wondering, I totally think this guy is a weasel. :) But good stories are ALWAYS worthwhile.

ADVENTURES IN SALAD TOSSING

For your reading enjoying we have a guest post today from the Salad Bitch. She brings us daily insight into the wonderful world of tossing salads on the regular. And yesterday, she just may have had her worst customer yet....

Customer of the Year (so far, anyway)

Here's to starting the year out with a doozie. So much for my resolution to be more tolerant... A customer came in today and ordered two wraps. She was probably in her mid-sixties, 50 lbs overweight, frizzy brown hair that had two inch gray roots, and polyester pants. She was someone who likes to make everyone around her miserable, especially people whom she feels she can bully- like people who make her food (bad idea). To save time and speed up the line, I decided to make her wraps together in the same bowl. She looks at me with disgust, cocks her head, and says, "You aren't making them together are you?" I obviously said yes ,but visibly annoyed, ask her if she wants me to separate them. "Yes. Please separate them. I want to make sure you're giving us an equal and fair enough amount of food. It's for my boss and I." I separate them, tell her “don’t worry- I’m the owner- I was just going to double the recipe to make two. You’re GETTING ENOUGH FOOD”. She gave me this shitty look, obviously didn't believe me, and stuck her face over the sneeze guard analyzing every movement I make, shaking her head all the while. My blood was boiling "Is this OKAY with you, or should I start over?" I glared at her. The woman behind her in line choked back a laugh.... She rolled her eyes, "Well, I GUESS I'll take it like that. I want to make sure you give us enough chicken because we are starting our diets today and don't want to feel hungry later this afternoon." Wait you crotchety old bitch, isn't that what a diet is all about?! And also, a buffalo chicken caesar wrap is not exactly the wisest choice when trying to lose weight. Good luck with that! I didn’t cut the wraps in half because so she’d have trouble eating them and look like an ASS in front of her boss. And then she paid with a giftcard.....

I hate the general public.