WEASEL WEDNESDAY: WE MADE AN AWARD EDITION!!

Welcome back to Weasel Wednesday.  This is a place we can talk freely about weasels.  Who decides ultimately what makes someone a weasel?  That’s easy.  We do.  Feel free to add your own weasel commentary and maybe it will be featured on the next WW.  As we can see there is no shortage of weaselry and we always have plenty.

As for the weasel in my ceiling, I haven't heard him yet today.  I think/ hope he went for a run in the snow and disappeared.

First round: our Weasel-ettes

If you live with a girl who sleeps with the guy ANOTHER one of your roommates has been sleeping with, denies it, only to have him return the earring she left in his bed.... weasel-ette 

If you already start flirting with other guys before you break up with the current bf...you may or may not be a weasel-ette… or maybe the guy is just a weasel….?  Hmmmm, pondering.

If your new girlfriend invites you to go to a party with her, gets you super drunk and then has sex with one of your best friends at 5am on the couch in the room next to where you have passed out a few hours earlier…. She’s a Skank Ass Bitch Weasel.

Second Round: Facebook Specific Weasels

You find out the man you’re seeing is back with his ex because he changes his single status to "in a relationship"….

The guy your dating gets tagged in all these pics with some slore, and then untags them before he thinks you've seen them.  But guess what, you're addicted to Facebook so you see the pics the second that bitch tags your man…

The guy your seeing deletes posts you've made on his wall….

The guy your dating ends up in some troll's default after not talking to you for a month.  Needless to say, your man has a new girlfriend…..

The guy your dating asks his mom to block you so you can't stalk her page anymore….

Good Old fashioned Weaselry:

- If two months after you've broken up with him, your neighbors see him parked in his totally huge truck across your street, staring at your house, drinking beer...then speeds off when he sees neighbors are staring...

 Stalker Weasel

- If he  texts you and Facebooks you after you are married, then tells you he wishes he was invited to your wedding because he would have said something when the minister said, "speak now or forever hold your peace"…. You know what he is.

- If he tells his “wife that I hope she hurries up and gets pregnant so I don't have to have sex with her anymore. Yay! I'm the weasel.”….  (side note… you do know you can have sex while pregnant, right???)

- If your Halloween date takes off at the end if the night only for you to see him take another girl home right in front of your eyes. The next day he writes to apologize, then has the nerve to ask for pictures from the night. No weasel you will not be receiving pictures and please don't contact me again! Thanks!

- If you tell girls you're super religious but are really the biggest hypocrite in the world…  if you are superficial, judgmental, and have a dirtier mouth then anyone I've ever slept with in my life….you know you’re a weasel.

Weasel of the Week goes to…

If you guys are dating in NYC…. He meets you out at a bar one night while you are out with your friends.  One friend is pretty drunk and so you spend most of the night taking care of her… He secretly stalks your Facebook page to find Drunk Friend… he sees she lives in Florida, and he flies to see her.  All the while he’s still calling you everyday AND lying to you about where his "conference" is located. He tells your friend her it was “cool with you” and proceeds to take your friend on two dates... At this point he is basically dating both of you, and lying about why he is in Florida… only then does he ask if its ok with you….

I’m gonna call this guy “What the Em-Effin Psycho Weasel.”

Thanks to our commenters Meagan@Megs7827 , Stylez, Julie, and our friends- the Weasel Wednesday story suppliers…. 

Airplane Bathrooms are not for Sleeping...

I read an article today that was all too familiar.  As strange this is, this story is mostly true.  Maybe I will change a little around to make it funnier, but its pretty G darn funny in itself. 

Jaho: Was this your friend?

Unruly Passenger Blames Medical Pot Cookies - Atlanta News Story - WGCL Atlanta

www.cbsatlanta.com

PITTSBURGH -- A San Francisco man claims he was high on a double dose of medical marijuana cookies when he screamed, dropped his pants and attacked crew members on a cross-country flight, forcing its diversion to Pittsburgh, the FBI said Wednesday. Wednesday, February 3, 2010.

The Blonde Bandit, Dustin’s Thoughts and 2 others like this.

Bat: hahahahahha. wow. hahahah

Thu at 9:25am ·

College friend: What an a-hole...now none of us are going to be allowed to eat medicinal pot cookies before flying!

Thu at 12:12pm ·

Blonde Bandit: hahahahahahahahaha! LOL

Thu at 1:18pm ·

Dustin’s thoughts: What an idiot, unless they were laced with something w/ a little more kick

Thu at 1:45pm ·

Bat: we know who likes to pass out in bathrooms. pants down, compartments open? bahhhahhhhaaa

Thu at 1:46pm ·

Blonde Bandit: OMG...yeah we do! bahahaha!

Thu at 2:06pm ·

Jaho: Haha...love it.

Thu at 8:44pm ·

Write a comment...

We’re in Vegas and night rolls into day.  I have no idea what time our flight left, it seemed like it was around 3.  Or 5.  It was still light out.  Part of the reason I have no idea what time is was is because we hadn’t slept yet.  Well, 3 of us didn’t.  The 3 of us who should NOT have been left unsupervised.  One thing lead to another….. and…… no there was not a threesome…. But we did end up drinking RBV’s out of EVERY SINGLE item we could find.  We would only have one drink at a time and all share it.  Then move on to the next item.  Vases, a sugar bowl, a regular bowl and spoon, and my favorite, a teakettle.  Our friend in the other room said he could hear the constant ting-ting sound of the tea kettle and that’s how he knew we were all still up.  Finally comes the time where fun happy messy drinking games must come to an end and we have to head back to real life.  2 of us crazies board a plane and decide we have had enough of each other do not want to sit together.  One falls asleep.  The other… continues drinking.  I’m going to go ahead and say it was 2 Heinekens and a Jager bomb, but since I’m pretty sure they don’t serve Jager bombs on planes, I think it was a shot of jack.  Well between the 2 of us we weighed less than 250 lbs, so that jack, broke the proverbial camels back.  In this scenario, proverbial is code word for passed-out-wasted.  In the bathroom no less.  With all the compartments open. Ok that part was a lie but it happened in the newstory I read and it totally seemed like it would have happened.  So “Jack” passes out in the restroom.  End scene.

I am woken up in our insert random city here layover to shoes being tossed at me and my friend Jack being escorted off the plane.  See at this time I have know idea that Jack has consumed more alcohol.  We are put into the back of an ambulance and they questions are being fired at me by 2 paramedics.  Woah.  Hold up people.  Did you not where our plane was coming from?  Vegas, that’s right, Vegas.  Thanks to the Hangover people finally understand.  So I am in no position to answer the questions honestly and they threaten that my friends life is in danger.  Little do they know I barely know Jack and relish at the thought of having his life in my hands.  Insert Ursula laugh here. Come to think of it, he was pretty mean to me on the trip I could just leave…..its not like we will be friends when we get back anyway…. Muahhahhhaah…..

He’s slumped over in a wheelchair and they tell me to wait with him until he comes too. It turns out my best friendly duties kick in.  I fill out the paperwork, I find his insurance info, I call all the right people who need to know. I hold Jack’s hand and wipe drool vomit off his face and manage to hold my guts in place when I need to vomit and stay by his side until he wakes up.  Confused and disoriented, he’s finally coming around…. I take a picture.  You are not going to forget this m****r f****r.  Not as long as they give me access to the interweb….

He hugged me with his vom clothes and I let him because I was happy he was alive.  And that I could finally go puke.  He was pleased to hear I arranged for a friend to come pick us up and let us sleep at her house.  He wanted out of his clothes and I wanted out of the shady 70s waiting room of the hospital in the ghetto. I check his breathing and arrange for a new flight in the morning.   After the post Vegas misadventure, we arrive safely back home. 

Moral of the story, be careful who you fly with.  

WEASEL WEDNESDAY: BIRTHDAY WEASEL EDITION

- If he’s ok with being your rebound… twice…

- If you finally get the nerve to tell him how you feel about him, he goes on vacation, tells you he’s been thinking about you, and he wishes he could snap his fingers and make you appear, that he can think of lots of “fun things” to do there with you, and then declines your offer to pick him up from the airport, and asks a new biddy to pick him up instead…

- If you spend two entire days together and he gets drunk the second night and sleeps with someone else….

- If your friends, and friends boyfriends are telling you to “be careful,”…

- If he says he doesn’t want a relationship, but wants to have sex with you…

{Me: But you don't do relationships.


Weasel: Haha but I did with you and think I want to do it again.


Me: But I don't want to "do" a relationship with you.


Weasel: I love your sarcasm. I miss it. I miss everything about you...}

- If he talks about marriage, then takes you to dinner at a crowded restaurant and tells you he cheated on you.... piece of shit weasel.

- If you introduce him to a long lost bff and 2 months later he breaks up with you and has her move into the apartment you shared with him.... he is a fucking death weasel.

Ok we had so many Weasels this week it was tough to choose who to feature as our weasel of the week. So check back next week for the runner(s) up.

If he breaks up with you, has a birthday party, invites all of your/ his friends and tells you that you can’t come….

If he then asks to take your out to dinner because he needs a date on his birthday….

If said guy bangs someone else that night (after asking you not to) and lies about it….

He’s the Weasel of the Week.

For more weaselry, check out here. And here.

AIRPLANE STORIES

Ok seriously, i can't go a day without stories. Wake up, ride to airport. I don't feel good. like at all. Driver: "Do you want me to pull over?" Me: "no, I didn't eat anything yet so there is nothing to throw up. Oh except Iced tea." As I say the words the ice tea comes pouring out all over the side of the car. yes, pull over. NOW. More iced tea and more iced tea. I swear I wasted an entire half gallon of Wawa tea. On the flip side, I probably saved about 200 calories. I get to airport. I am scared to even take a sip of water because I think they will not allow me on the plane. There are signs everywhere about swine flu and i don't want them to think I have it. I survive.

I get in to airport and don't see my bags. Not once but twice I pick up one of the carousel that i think is mine. It is not mine. I am convinced that someone took mine and they left theirs. I finally go to the office and ask where my bags are. he tells me they are at the airport I was supposed to go to. Somehow I ended up at the wrong airport. Frosted Flake asks me how this can happen. I say its because I have been here 4 hours and I can't go that long without stories.