Saturday, February 6, 2010

Airplane Bathrooms are not for Sleeping...

I read an article today that was all too familiar.  As strange this is, this story is mostly true.  Maybe I will change a little around to make it funnier, but its pretty G darn funny in itself. 

Jaho: Was this your friend?
PITTSBURGH -- A San Francisco man claims he was high on a double dose of medical marijuana cookies when he screamed, dropped his pants and attacked crew members on a cross-country flight, forcing its diversion to Pittsburgh, the FBI said Wednesday. Wednesday, February 3, 2010.

The Blonde Bandit, Dustin’s Thoughts and 2 others like this.

Bat: hahahahahha. wow. hahahah
Thu at 9:25am ·
College friend: What an none of us are going to be allowed to eat medicinal pot cookies before flying!
Thu at 12:12pm ·

Blonde Bandit: hahahahahahahahaha! LOL
Thu at 1:18pm ·

Dustin’s thoughts: What an idiot, unless they were laced with something w/ a little more kick
Thu at 1:45pm ·
Bat: we know who likes to pass out in bathrooms. pants down, compartments open? bahhhahhhhaaa
Thu at 1:46pm ·

Blonde Bandit: OMG...yeah we do! bahahaha!
Thu at 2:06pm ·
Jaho: it.
Thu at 8:44pm ·
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We’re in Vegas and night rolls into day.  I have no idea what time our flight left, it seemed like it was around 3.  Or 5.  It was still light out.  Part of the reason I have no idea what time is was is because we hadn’t slept yet.  Well, 3 of us didn’t.  The 3 of us who should NOT have been left unsupervised.  One thing lead to another….. and…… no there was not a threesome…. But we did end up drinking RBV’s out of EVERY SINGLE item we could find.  We would only have one drink at a time and all share it.  Then move on to the next item.  Vases, a sugar bowl, a regular bowl and spoon, and my favorite, a teakettle.  Our friend in the other room said he could hear the constant ting-ting sound of the tea kettle and that’s how he knew we were all still up.  Finally comes the time where fun happy messy drinking games must come to an end and we have to head back to real life.  2 of us crazies board a plane and decide we have had enough of each other do not want to sit together.  One falls asleep.  The other… continues drinking.  I’m going to go ahead and say it was 2 Heinekens and a Jager bomb, but since I’m pretty sure they don’t serve Jager bombs on planes, I think it was a shot of jack.  Well between the 2 of us we weighed less than 250 lbs, so that jack, broke the proverbial camels back.  In this scenario, proverbial is code word for passed-out-wasted.  In the bathroom no less.  With all the compartments open. Ok that part was a lie but it happened in the newstory I read and it totally seemed like it would have happened.  So “Jack” passes out in the restroom.  End scene.

I am woken up in our insert random city here layover to shoes being tossed at me and my friend Jack being escorted off the plane.  See at this time I have know idea that Jack has consumed more alcohol.  We are put into the back of an ambulance and they questions are being fired at me by 2 paramedics.  Woah.  Hold up people.  Did you not where our plane was coming from?  Vegas, that’s right, Vegas.  Thanks to the Hangover people finally understand.  So I am in no position to answer the questions honestly and they threaten that my friends life is in danger.  Little do they know I barely know Jack and relish at the thought of having his life in my hands.  Insert Ursula laugh here. Come to think of it, he was pretty mean to me on the trip I could just leave…..its not like we will be friends when we get back anyway…. Muahhahhhaah…..

He’s slumped over in a wheelchair and they tell me to wait with him until he comes too. It turns out my best friendly duties kick in.  I fill out the paperwork, I find his insurance info, I call all the right people who need to know. I hold Jack’s hand and wipe drool vomit off his face and manage to hold my guts in place when I need to vomit and stay by his side until he wakes up.  Confused and disoriented, he’s finally coming around…. I take a picture.  You are not going to forget this m****r f****r.  Not as long as they give me access to the interweb….

He hugged me with his vom clothes and I let him because I was happy he was alive.  And that I could finally go puke.  He was pleased to hear I arranged for a friend to come pick us up and let us sleep at her house.  He wanted out of his clothes and I wanted out of the shady 70s waiting room of the hospital in the ghetto. I check his breathing and arrange for a new flight in the morning.   After the post Vegas misadventure, we arrive safely back home. 

Moral of the story, be careful who you fly with.  


singedwingangel said...

OK that is funny and sad at teh same time.. But I would absolutely do some serious blackmail stuff with it for YEARS to come..

MODG said...

omg. Why am I not surprised. I love that you were sick of each other and decided to not sit together. That actually may be my favorite part.

You are not any less crazy than you were 6 years ago.
Can we please hang out before I have a baby? Thanks.

Anonymous said...

Haha...I just am getting caught up on your blog. Great guys and that tea kettle=bad news. I remember getting a text while I was sitting in the Vegas airport waiting for my flight that this had occurred. Hence, I stayed away from alcohol for awhile....or at least till I got home that night.

SFKCO said...

i never have looked at a tea kettle the same way again....and i think you forgot the ice bucket....that was a hard one, it got heavy and was awkward to hold...