OH HEY DID YOU THINK WE FORGOT ABOUT YOU??

Hello former and future blog readers!  Welcome to our 200^th post.  Consider this a birthday present to all of you.  Oh, how we hope you have missed us as much as we have missed all of you.   

Who are we?  Just a couple of girls who like to have fun and have crazy friends with wild stories that keep us all entertained.  We are sharing these stories with you.  You’re welcome. Hate jalapeño’s? We probably can’t eat together.  Think we’re funny?  We’ll get along just fine. If you don’t, that’s ok too.  It’s our blog and we make the rules.

We do fun things.  Lots and lots of fun things.  We figured why not give you all a glimpse into our special world.  Not too much here, we’re not claiming everything we post are based on fact, or that its about us.  We are only as strong as our friends and couldn’t write this without them.  So the collection of stories here is fiction based on fact.  With some real live paparazzi shots thrown in for good measure.

A super speed update on the bats: Crazy cat lady prostitute neighbor has left the building.  After being evicted of course.  Jax  on Crax the Chihuahua is still alive and kicking and has actually lost a few doggy pounds.   Batman has turned 2 and is the funniest person in all of the land.  One of the bats has had some extra sparkle added to her face.  Amazingness.  If none of these things make sense to you,  take some time to read through the backlog.  We promise at least a little pee laughter.

Summer oh-fun-oh was oh so much fun. There have been many misadventures for us bats in the past few months.  Basically this summer started late.  It started in Austin in early July.  There was a heat wave in both Philadelphia and in Austin.  We had a master plan.  To reconvene the powers of the Batcave minds for a wonderful string of misadventures.   As our fair summer comes to a close, here is ours chronicled here for you.  Well now, we have visited the land of wanderlust and sparkles have done all sorts of fun things.  Don’t believe me… here are some pictures to prove it.  It all begins in a magical hippy hipster city called Austin Texas….

Do the best thing you can, tell a friend to follow us and read our blog as well.  Second best?  I’m glad you asked.   COMMENT.  Do you hate the post?  Love the post?  COMMENT.  We feed off comments like crack, that is, if I knew what crack felt like. Live Laugh Love and send us stuff, we loooooooooves it lotsalicious.  You can contact us at misadventuresfromthebatcave@gmail.com.

People are rude.

Let’s imagine a person who is very rude.

You work at Wawa.  The graveyard shift.  They f’ing make you stay and do inventory all night.  Yeah, like counting lunchmeat and shit. So, you don’t get home til 4:30am.  What the eff is that?  not fun at all!! Ugh, too early for coffee, too late for fun,  as you are thinking, just get me the eff home I need my bed and sleepy time and loves and huggies and kissies from my man piece.  I arrive home to find Rudy’s car still parked in our paid for spot...so, despite having a car full of shit to unload...I have to park out on the street...inconvenience #1. So I go park and walk inside. I walk in and Man piece is on the couch and Rudy is no where in sight. More annoyed....I ask where she is bc she is in my spot.

At this point, I am effing exhausted...I am at that freaking point where I just need to go to bed.  Nothing else.  GIVE ME MY BED. Man Piece informs me she got shit faced at the bar and recently got up off the couch where she was passed out and moved into our bed!!! He thought she went to the bathroom but she never came back. So I have nowhere to sleep...more annoyed!  Bitch will go down.  Right down to china town.  In an attempt to calm my nerves, so I open a beer and sit down on the couch...an hour later I'm done...I must sleep and she has to move back to the couch.

Man Piece is ready for bed too... so he tries waking her up. She refuses to get up and keeps trying to pull covers over herself. She is making no sense and insists she is getting up. 10 mins later I have had enough. I tell Man Piece to turn on the light and then say " Rudy..this isn't your house...move to the couch, u r in our bed." All hell breaks loose as she flies out the bed and screams at us for being rude. She storms out the house furious.

She is psycho

I'm rude? Your drunk ass is in my parking spot, and in my bed refusing to move. But yeah, I'm rude for asking/telling u to move to the couch at 2am.

U wanna sleep in my bed? U better be my size so we all fit.

The end.

By, Annoyed

PS... She texted on her way home she won't come out with us tonight because we are rude...no skin off my back!

Perfect use of "bahahaha"

I'd like to thank Ashley for this comedic gem.  Jared too, but mostly Ashley.  They dated in college, and when Jared switched teams, they became BFF.  Never do I question that an interaction between them is worth reading...

This past weekend I was asked what in my Facebook etiquette is a good example of why I would use "bahahha" (or some variation) instead of "hahhaha"  I explained that it was different degrees of how funny I thought it was....

Jared was tagged in a photo.

3 hours ago · Comment · Like

Ashley likes this.

Ashley: Further proof of why we didn't work out ...

May 16 at 5:18pm

Samantha: Hot!

May 16 at 11:32pm

Ashley: I was thinking 'scary!' Or 'gay!'. Come on Sam, you can't encourage drunk, topless, bead wearing pics! You're enabling him!

May 16 at 11:34pm

Jared: Ashley, you're drawn to my muscles

May 16 at 11:36pm

Jared: Sam, thanks:)

May 16 at 11:36pm

Jared: And just for the record this was the summer the movie the Hulk came out

May 16 at 11:37pm

Ashley: I just threw up in my mouth. If I'm drawn to your muscles, then you're drawn to my boobs

May 16 at 11:38pm

Samantha: HA HA! I am an enabler...He is expressing himself as we have all done when we have had a few too many...Im sticking with HOT...lol

May 16 at 11:43pm

Jared: Again, Sam is my favorite.

May 16 at 11:51pm

Ashley: Gay.

May 16 at 11:54pm

Ana: Ashley, I don't know you, but I think you want Jared's schlong.

Yesterday at 11:36pm

Amy: Do u work out at all??

Yesterday at 11:45pm

Ashley: Bahahahahahahaha. Riiiiiiight. Haha

Yesterday at 11:47pm

Jared: Ashely.. We all know you do

3 hours ago

Jared: Ana- amazing call

3 hours ago

Peep this while you are at work...

I HEARD A RUMOR THIS GALLERY IS THE BEES KNEES

My wonderful friend is a fab photographer and also a hilarious person in general.  Sometimes fabulosity goes unnoticed, sometimes it gets over exposed... here at the Batcave we believe any publicity is good publicity.

Prom Boy goes haywire. And I watch the slow wreck...

22 year old Justin Bieber and I talk throughout Sunday and Facebook back and forth.  I notice he became friends with a few other people from the party, we tag each others pictures so on and so forth.  4 days later he is in a relationship on Facebook.  I take this very seriously as facebook is life.  However after reviewing the prom pictures I decide that my little cutie can no way in hell be with this chick unless he’s into beastiality.

Here’s my note to him…

Dear 22 year old,

 You have to be out of your freaking mind, why one earth would you go out with a girl who is 11 years older than you? And right after you met me? What the fuck is that? That makes me feel like I am either an ugly fucking troll, which I am not, or that you have mental problems.

Xox, Bat

So I have continued on to stalking the shit out of these 2 because it provides me with endless entertainment and this story for you guys.  I just about stalk them daily.  Its great.  You would think that they would block me or make that shit private.  But no its free reign for me to find out what freaks these suburbs people are.  I banged this 22 year old in the back of his car after a party.  It was awesome.  We talked the next day.  He friend requested me.  Broke rule number one.  He is so dumb because this 33 year old girl friend requested him, they stayed in touch, they got into a facebook relationship 4 days after hanging out and dating.  Now they are moving in together!!!  In the middle of effing nowhere.

Here is our conversation:

Me: is this relationship stat real?

Bieber 22: yeah it is...

Me: so you have a girlfriend already? and you met her the same night you met me? and its THAT girl in the picture? woah weird BAHAHAHA

Bieber 22: well she like added me after that party i didnt even talk to her there then we just started hanging out it happened kinda fast..

Me:  ok well good luck. i guess call me if it doesn't work out. haha. I'm surprised she doesn't look like your type. Or I guess I am the one who's not your type...

Bieber 22: i dunno we just clicked but i mean who knows what'll happen i'd still like to party or whatever just cant hook up ya know im not a cheater

Me: its cool. whatever. i just think its pretty fucking weird. i'm not trying to get you to cheat i just think people who have awesome sex in the back of cars and end up with a girlfriend they met the same night as me who is obviously completely opposite of me like 4 days later is weird. why bother even asking for my number, you could have left it as it was or at least responded when I was asking if it was real. is she like way older than you?

Me: this is f'in hilarious you are moving in with her now? this is a great story

OK SO MY QUESTION IS.... WOULD YOU RATHER....

This is obvs going to lead me into my post about downgrades… and the more you hate me, the more I love me… so feel free to comment..

Another Craig's List Gem

READ THIS ONLY IF YOU WANT TO BE STRAIGHT ENTERTAINED.  PEOPLE ARE SO WEIRD.  BUT WEIRDOS MAKE THE WORLD GO ROUND....

2 reason why you wouldn't casually encounter me. - m4w

Date: 2009-12-30, 12:51PM

1) I'm 5'5" in height. 
Most women on Craigslist seem to desire a "tall" man. Apparently it's very erotic to use a step ladder when kissing your man. 
2) I'm thin. 
A majority of the women on Craigslist seem to want their men "large", "husky" or "beefy". Sure, I could use clever semantics and refer to myself as "lean",or "atletic" but CLers know how to translate that adjective. 
3) I'm a 6 incher. 
A majority of the women on Craigslist seem to need 7, 8 or 9+ inches. I'm no physician, but wouldn't that rupture some organs that might be needed in the near future? For respiration possibly? Or how about digestion? My totem pole, much like myself, is also thin. Seems to be a thematic part of my body. I'm God's action figure and She's still chuckling... 
4) I have an average body. 
A majority of women on CL are obsessed with "hot", or "built" men. I'm none of those things. I enjoy hiking, skiing and bicylcing, but in the fast-paced, cut-throat world of contemporary media, you either get the job done or give the job to someone else. I love my work...it just doesn't love me back with the same appreciation and desire. Thus, everything on my body works (sometimes too well), it just must be placed under "average". 
5) I'm an average pussy eater. 
Maybe I just can't see the clit while giving oral. Maybe I wander around too much due to A.D.D. Maybe I just need God to provide an owner's manual with step by step instructions that aren't in Arabic. All I know is I try. Oh god do I try. I've come very close (so to speak) to making a woman cum. You know that sound when you're so close to orgasm you can taste it, but he does something stupid and you miss? Hi, how ya doin'? That's me. 
6) I'm losing my hair. 
I'm only 26 and I'm starting to lose my hair. It's now starting to become visible. I can't shave my head like those other "beefy hunky" guys. I have a thin body and a giant head. I'm the real life Mr. Mackey from South Park. 
7) I'm moody. 
I'm also a Gemini. Put that thrilling combination together and you have a roller coaster of emotion that can never find the level part of the track. Kinda like my pussy eating... 
8) I masturbate...a lot. 
Maybe it's spring arriving. Maybe I'm just too slackish to talk to the short-haired brunette who smiled at me today. It's much easier to just grab that image in the photo gallery in my mind and play it back in eight different positions later that night. And in my fantasies, she doesn't have a problem with #1-7... 
9) I'm a self-loather. 
See #1-8. 
10) I'm a daily fantasizer. 
I have met a few women by e-mail on CL who enjoy fantasy as much as I. But when it eventually leads to pushing fantasy into the real world, I panic. My fantasies are so fantastical, so over the top that I could NEVER live up to them. And that just adds to the equation that is #9. 
11) I spend way too much time alone. 
Lonely is more comfortable. Like an old jacket that's torn with age that's just too comfortable to dispose of. So it seems my fantasy life began at an early age. And a lifelong nurse fetish began as well... 
12) I'm addicted to CL. 
I only clicked on "Casual Encounters" a few weeks ago and I'm hooked. I don't post, I don't e-mail...I just browse. I occasionally respond to an ad that doesn't involve numerical statistics or bravado adjectives as the main topic of discussion. Once in a while I hear back. Usually it's to tell me that they can't "deal" with one of the numbers above. That's ok. I understand. 
If you respond to any of this I will assume you are one of the following: 
1) *n dire need of entertainment. 
2) Possess 1 or more of the above traits and wish to share. 
3) Appreciate honesty above one's maladies. 
4) Are a sadist. 
5) Are looking for a subject to compose your master thesis on. 
6) Are bored. 
7) Masturbate just as often. 
8) Are attracted to everything I have listed, but you're currently in a psychiatric ward somewhere where they allow you access to the internet because they figure "well, we've tried everything else". 
9) Are God and wish to apologize...profusely.

Racism + Excercise

You may not find this funny, but I do.