Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Stomach Shooters

We had a suggestion from a faithful reader.  To talk about “stomach shooters.”  Now that’s some batspeak for ya.  Keep reading to get more details on this special breed….  “And I say the blog should have an upcoming story about letting guys know that us girls need to be fore-warned before they explode on our stomach….”

And so unfolds a story of guys who sadly enough, “sneak attacks with jizz.”

My first experience with this was in college.  In a dorm room no less.  I already had my own apartment, but was already honing in on my cougar skills and decided to make the trek back to dorm world for some fun with the hot boy.  Now I thought he was really hot.  Apparently hot enough to ignore the fact that he was acting like we were in a porn and he insisted on jerking off next to me instead of actually hooking up with me.  At some point I finally realized he was more into himself then he was into me.  I probably should have left to test my theory but shit, I was already there so why not stick around to see how it ended.  Well let’s just say it ended with a very unsatifying pile on my stomach.  By now I can’t even remember if he cleaned it up, or if I did, I only remember thinking WTF.  And what a waste.  Why did we not just have sex?  Why instead did he have sex with himself and land his unborn babies on my stomach?  Isn’t that what condoms are for?  Or a combo of birth control and pulling out?  (it was college here, give me a break).
So a few of us girls were sitting in the student union building one day and his name comes up.  I of course feel the strong need to tell everyone about what had happened on our “romantic evening.”  I quickly recover by saying  “OMG guys! Don't tell anyone I told you about this poor boy! 
Later that day he IMed me this morning during class and was all, "I hope you said all good things about me!" I was all, "Ummmm, yeah!"   As it turns out, he had also IMed one of my friends that day and simply said "yooo". She did not feel that such a tactless IM required a response.  He also invited her to his apartment party, too. I told her she should bring a towel...Poor guy.  But on the bright side, he didn't sneak attack my mouth with jizz.... (some might say….I know I don't need those empty wasted calories!)  I however would suffice to say that at least it would make your skin clear up.  But from a random, no thanks.
So he will forever be remembered as the “Stomach Shooter.”  We may even start “Goober Tuesdays” in his honor…. Thoughts?


Anonymous said...

You're a fucking whore! That guy should have shit on your face. It would have made a huge improvement.