Wednesday, February 17, 2010

WEASEL WEDNESDAY: GOLDEN GIRLS EDITION


Welcome back to Weasel Wednesday.  This is a place we can talk freely about weasels.  Who decides ultimately what makes someone a weasel?  That’s easy.  We do.  Feel free to add your own weasel commentary and maybe it will be featured on the next WW.  As we can see there is no shortage of weaselry and we always have plenty....


- If a guy takes you on a first date to burger king and drops you off early cause his ex girlfriend calls….
- If you hubby is in another state and they get a weekend furlough and he rents a hotel room with the only 2 females in the platoon….
- If you are dating a guy and he only wants to hang out with you late at night so you can hook up with him but never takes you on dates…. Then you tell him you will be out with friends and he won't tell you where he is going for the night...but shows up at the place you said you would be and acts like he doesn't know you just to spy on you….. Then, when a guy hits on you, he comes over and acts all jealous and wants to fight the guy…. Ultimate D-bag Weasel.


I’d Like to steal a term from MODG and call this one the “F***myfaceoff Weasel”
-        If you went home with him and didn't want to get frisky because of the lack of landscaping to the shrubbery down below, but, after some convincing, got in the shower to take care of aforementioned situation then proceeded to get frisky, spend the night, and wake up in the morning to find his roommate in bed with you angrily asking who the f*** you were and stating that you passed out naked in his bed, later finding out that the man you slept with slipped out before you awoke and was in cahoots with his roommate just so he wouldn't have to say goodbye to you...YOU GOT WEASELED….


This week we have our first ever “Weasel-gram”… and let me tell you how super-duper-shades and a-high-side-ponytail excited about this new gem to be bringing you…!!  The world of weasels has reached all time high…
 
Dear Weasel,
I thought I was slumming' dating you to begin with. I am aware your brain can't be larger than your tiny penis but that is still no excuse for your weasel-ness. For starters you lie to attract girls. I.E. "I'm going to try out to play pro baseball so I'll most likely be playing pro ball soon." when the reality is you will never play pro ball. You tell girls you're super religious but I've never seen a bigger hypocrite in the world. You are superficial, judgmental, and I've never heard a dirtier mouth on anyone I've ever slept with in my life.  I especially loved when I came back from California early just to see you only for you to ditch me and your Facebook status to read "going to see a certain someone". This upset me so much since we were talking every day like we were together, I had to excuse myself from visiting with my grandfather.....who the next evening almost died. Somehow you weaseled your way out of that one and kept me around by saying you were so busy working but wanted to keep talking, however the reality was you were seeing another girl the entire time and stringing me along. When the girl took off, and I had moved on, you tried to reconnect again. I dumbly accepted and invited you to my birthday. Not only did you totally bail out on coming to my birthday but you didn't even text or call to let me know you couldn't make it and you ruined my night. I dumbly reconnected with you one last time.... met up with you and finally realized you were King Weasel!!  I am glad to be rid of you.

TTYN,
Bats

And yes, the Moment we’ve all been waiting for… its our Weasel of the Week!

If he’s are dating* a nice, cute girl (Rose)… who's really into him and starts bringing her friend around (Blanche), who happens to have a boyfriend…  and the Weasel and Blanche start to really hit it off….. he’s probably a weasel....
… Now, after a couple of weeks of them all hanging out, Weasel and Blanche start to become really flirty with one another. One night Weasel has after hours at his place…. Rose is drunk and starts to get pissed at Weasel and Blanche for being all flirty, so she goes and passes out in his room, in bed with Sophia…. After everyone else leaves and it’s just Weasel and Blanche, Weasel is laying on one of his couches and Blanche joins him for a cuddle. They mess around** a little bit and the friend starts to feel like a trash bag and says that they can’t… she has a boyfriend. Weasel tells her that he’s going to bed and that she can crash on the couch.
[He lives in a loft type place, so you can see the couches from his bed.]

He lays in bed with Rose (and Sophia) and starts fooling around with Rose's girl junk…. Now, she’s still kind of out of it, so he sticks her hand down his pants and she starts giving him some phantom manual***
And the real weaselry here is …
Weasel said that the whole time that she was giving him a hand job he was looking at her friend sleeping on the couch….  Ouch.

Guyspeak…
*He’s not really that into her but enjoys the freedom of the drunken hook up when all else fails. 
**kissing on the neck, back rubs, blah blah…
***stroking him while drunk and half awake

Words from the wise: " Where I am from a ho is a ho is a ho and I would suggest you slither your skanky ho self away from me before I put this pool cue in a place that you will NEVER need a man again.."
Thanks to singedwingangel and  Meagan@Megs7827 for their comments last week!

2 comments:

Dustin's Thoughts said...

weasellette - she leaves you laying on her bed, in her parents house, with her dog while she has to have her nightly conversation with her boyfriend before he goes to bed.

"Julie" said...

if he takes you on the WORST DATE EVER (i blogged about it) then asks you out AGAIN a week later...retard weasel.