Tuesday, December 15, 2009

ARE YOU SUFFERING FROM "I DATE A DOUCH BAG DENIAL?"


Today we have another guest blogger gracing our presence.  A big bloggery welcome to FOX.  We know a lot of our ladies out there can relate to this post, and if they can't they probably will be able to in the future.  I date a douche bag denial"......  And just a quick side note, this chick is hot and a local D-List celebrity.  This dude is an idiot.

Okay. We have all dated “that guy” you know, the one NONE of your friends like- but he is tolerated…. The one who you’ve cried about so often that when you go on an hour long bitch fest your friend on the other end of the phone zones out and watches TV – only to give the occasional, “uh huh”- “it’ll be okay”- all while thinking- shut up- move on- you know the sex isn’t even that great/ or worth this emotional terror.

Well here is my open letter to you- guy I should not have ever never ever dated:

Dear Ex boyfriend:

IT IS OVER. It’s been over. Sending me text messages that say “Good bye forever you beautiful disaster” or “ you’re nothing but a high class attention seeking whore” followed by “Your going to end up just as crazy as your mom” don’t exactly make me long for the days that we were the couple at the bar screaming at each other- remember when I was the drunk girl crying hysterically and you could care less?? And what was the fight about- oh pick the issue- you stood me up for a date- no call, no show- and I’m resentful- or perhaps the fact that you cheated on me with a not-so-attractive, slightly over weight girl- and when I find out and get her number out of your phone- because YES I was SO in LOVE with you that I looked through your phone and found dirty fucking nasty text messages about how wet you make her -groooosssss- but that wasn’t good enough for me- I had to be the Psycho girlfriend and call her to confirm you are in deed a cheater and you did cheat. After a 5-minute totally bizarre convo when this lady tells me how/where etc you hooked up (and she had NO idea you had a girlfriend) and I call you devastated- what do you do?? You say you SWEAR you never hooked up with her- the text messages were a “joke” she is fat and ugly and you would NEVER cheat on me with her. And me being exceptionally pathetic twist that into an acceptable lie/ truth I want to believe- justify that the holidays are right around the corner- and don’t break up with you. AHH.  And the bottled up resentment grows.  

So needless to say, after over 6 months of emotional healing- I nicely request you move on. Return the “engagement ring” you claim to have purchased (you know, the one you told me about AFTER we broke up)- stop with the nice then mean then nice texting- because the nice stuff tricks me into missing you and the mean stuff hurts my feelings. Do I think you are a terrible person? No. Do I think that our relationship turned me temporarily insane? Yes. And can you have your hoodie back? No. I want a parting gift. I leave you with this: the cliché, yet appropriate, “It’s called a break up because it’s broken.” Enough said.

 

(Editor’s note: this sounds crazy - consider this tale a minor 2 ½ year lapse in judgment and a strong warning for any woman out there who may suffering from a similar case of major “I date a douche bag denial”)



29 comments:

Julie said...

omg this post is so appropriate for today. I consider my past two relationships to be "community service" to the dating world, and now it's finally my turn to find a non douche!

Shandal said...

I have a friend who puts up with that shit too... except she actually married the D bag! I don't feel sorry for her anymore.

Michael Keeneth said...

Knowing that your partner is cheating on you can be devastating but make sure too that before finding clues on the infidelity, you are prepared to face the truth and you know how to deal with it if ever your hunch is indeed right.

kel and Jame said...

this is making my day

Amy said...

ummm yes...enough said

Bird Bird Bird, Bird is the Word said...

Was this written about me?? The worst is when people still associate you with the dbag and introduce you as "this is _____, she used to date (said dbag)". Ugh. Never associate my name with that loser again.

Working Mommy said...

Ugh...my douchebag denial lasted almost 5 years...makes me even MORE thankful for being married to such a wonderful man now!

~WM

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