THE TRUTH ABOUT D DAY

I don’t usually write about baby stuff. Reason being I don’t really follow any rules when it comes to parenting, and I can’t call anything that I have to offer “advice.” A little about me… I work for one of the largest beer brands. I cover a major city and its 5 surrounding counties. I do everything from staffing events, to setting up events, to selling beer, to tapping kegs, to payroll, to hiring and training, to telling girls they don’t have enough make-up on. In my world, no one starts work before 10 am. So having a baby while on this career path was very different from the norm. But who is anyone to decide what’s normal.

My loving, charming, love of my life baby boy was the result of a one time oops. ONE TIME. His father and I were in a serious and committed relationship and own our house together, as well as have been best friends for 10 years. So it wasn’t the worst situation to have an oops baby in. Anyway I was quite the free spirit, and neither of us ever wanted kids. Or so we thought….

First off I am not a bad person and I helped raise my 2 younger brothers, but I would still consider myself to be “anti-baby.” I was not the person anyone expected to be the first of our friends who had a kid. 2 people literally said “ I would have been less surprised if you told me you murdered someone” when I told them I was pregnant. It was just unheard of. My cousin told me, you know how people are going to be talking about “Where were you when Michael Jackson died? I will always remember where I was when I found out you were pregnant.”

Picture the most traumatic day of my life. In the shower I realize that I have been sick with the “flu” for over a week and I am beginning to wonder if I have mono. All of the sudden it hits me like a brick wall. I am 4 days late. I take an old test I had lying around from the buy one get one free days of college. I am talking to the UO. I tell her there is an error message and I am going to take it anyway. There is a disclaimer that if you get an error message it will clear after 20 minutes or something. So I wait it out and take it. Its freaking positive. Is this a joke? Ok its gotta be a bad test. But I knew. They say you just know, I just knew. So its rainy out and I am so miserable. I put on my boots and my sunglasses and walk down to Rite Aid. I buy 4 different multi packs of pregnancy tests and a box of tissues. I do not take off my sunglasses at any point. I spent like $90 on all these tests. I get home and start chugging the water. And taking these tests… Test 2: Positive. Test 3: Positive. I am now lining up the tests along the bathtub (how very Knocked Up of me). So I call the bf and tell him I am preg. I refuse to say it out loud and just keep saying I took a test. Life = over. I really expect him to drop everything and come home. He does not. Then I say I am just kidding. I am not kidding I am just being funny (or so I think). Really I am serious. This is just a little insight into the strangeness of my brain. My best friend, I called her crying right after I took 9 million tests. Again I say I am crying because I took a pregnancy test. Her response “and you are crying because you peed on your hand?”

If this sounds not out of the realm of possibility for your reaction, stayed tuned for more stories.