Monday, October 19, 2009

HOUSE OF TORMENT.... The worst idea I have ever had.

Ok, so I hadn't been to a haunted house since probably middle school and I have hated them ever since.  I can't explain the reasons, but I have a genuine fear of these places.  I think maybe it is because I always have fucked up nightmares, and walking into a haunted house is like the nightmares coming true in real life.  Well, Super husband decides that this year is the year we will go to one together.  After much mental self debate, I agree, and start the research.  I figure I am older, and I can handle it.  I find The House of Torment.  Rated top 3 in the nation and is worked on 12 months out of the year.  This is their lives.  I watch a couple of the sample videos on the website and start to get a little nervous.  I already know that I absolutely hate being startled and scared shitless.  I think my older brother (we will call him Cobra) gave me a serious life complex with this.  He tortured me as a child.  I buy the tickets and the day is approaching.  It finally comes.  I wake up Saturday with diarrhea from the nerves.  This is not a good sign.  I am overcome with anxiety through out the day.  We have two friends going with us (Boobies and JB), and they meet us at the house.  Boobies brings the wine.  Good job.  I have a few glasses and start to feel a little better about the whole thing.  "I can do this!!"  We head for the House of Torment.  We park and find where we need to wait in line.  We are there no more than 5 minutes and the monsters are all over the parking lot chasing unsuspecting patrons.  Shit shit shit.  They start towards us.  I am FREAKING out.  I start screaming.  I am 100% genuinely terrified.  "Maybe I can't do this."  Super Husband, JB, and Boobies are laughing and think that this is just so much fun! They are fucking delusional.  Our line starts to move towards the entrance.  A couple goes in ahead of us and all I hear are screams.  Shit.  It is our groups turn to enter.  I am frozen.  SH chauffeurs me in, and it is instant heart stopping fear.  I hate these things, why did I agree to this!  I start yelling " I can't do it, I want to go out!  Get me the fuck out of here!"  SH tries to calm me down and reassure me, but nothing is working.  I plug my ears, close my eyes and hold on to him for dear life.  I felt like I was walking to my death.  I swear, every 20 god damn seconds, some sort of fucked up monster human is in my face, whispering to me, and blowing on me.  I scream at them to leave me alone.  They don't.  At one point I am cussing them out.   The tears come.  I am sweating from head to toe and clawing into SH's side.  I am absolutely miserable and beyond terrified.  I hate this, I hate this, I hate this. The only positive highlight I can think of is that at one point I swear that I heard Britney Spears being played on the loud speaker and I immediately think of my tree friend.  I unplug my ears for a split second and realize that I was totally wrong.  I was going crazy in this place.  The torture commences once again.  I felt like it was never going to end.  Ever.  It finally does, and I walk out soaked from sweat and tears.  But wait!  We had purchased a "combo pass" which also includes a trip inside the Illusion Manor.  I absolutely refuse and tell them to go with out me.  But JB and Boobies assure me that it isn't like a haunted house.   "It is just a bunch of crazy illusions that you look at."  I go against my will.  We enter.  They are liars.  It is the same torturous methods as before.  The monsters target me from the beginning.  They are ruining my life.  I am so exhausted from fear at this point that SH basically has to hold me up and push me through the remainder of this god for saken "Illusion Manor." At one point we have to walk through the  "Birth Canal" which was a black, tight, almost rubber feeling tunnel.  I am insanely claustrophobic.  More torture.  After we are born, it is over, and I am mentally defeated.  I will never again in my life attend a haunted house.  Thank you House of Torment.  I don't speak for the entire car ride home, as everyone rehashes their favorite parts.  I hate everyone.  We get home, and Super Husband's side is hurting from my grip.  He lifts up his shirt and is covered in bruises and busted blood vessels.  Oops.  I am not the same for the next couple of days.  I think I have post traumatic stress disorder for sure.  The nightmares come for the next couple of nights as well.  THE WORST IDEA I HAVE EVER HAD.  The end.

Here is a little peek into my nightmares.... the pictures do them no justice.
(these are all actual House of Torment characters and photos)