Happy thoughts.

We all have those days. Or weeks, or even months, when things feel so... tragic.

It's the little things that help.

Fight Club is the best.

No really, its my favorite movie. That combined with the fact that a very cute boy told me its his favorite author, here is my Chuck Palahniuk (he wrote Fight Club)tribute. To be honest there were so many it was hard to pick just 2. What a wise wise man.

very cute boy also made me this. Yes, that is in fact my signature dance move caught on film. It's really that good.

enough said.

This is your life.

Disney princesses gone wrong.

Sometimes I like to post random stuff I find just for the hell of it. This is one of those times. To be honest, even as a grown ass woman these are a little traumatic. Since when do Disney princesses partake in real life??

Seriously. This makes me hungry. Til I realize its the Little Mermaid.

This is reminiscent of the Nip/ Tuck barbie nipple removal episode. Just me? Sorry.

More or less appropriate after Bin Laden's death? Oh whatever.

Winces. gasps. this is real life, Snow?

Oh thats how you end up here. Maybe we should have stuck with the sushi.

Another Craig's List Gem

READ THIS ONLY IF YOU WANT TO BE STRAIGHT ENTERTAINED.  PEOPLE ARE SO WEIRD.  BUT WEIRDOS MAKE THE WORLD GO ROUND....

2 reason why you wouldn't casually encounter me. - m4w

Date: 2009-12-30, 12:51PM

1) I'm 5'5" in height. 
Most women on Craigslist seem to desire a "tall" man. Apparently it's very erotic to use a step ladder when kissing your man. 
2) I'm thin. 
A majority of the women on Craigslist seem to want their men "large", "husky" or "beefy". Sure, I could use clever semantics and refer to myself as "lean",or "atletic" but CLers know how to translate that adjective. 
3) I'm a 6 incher. 
A majority of the women on Craigslist seem to need 7, 8 or 9+ inches. I'm no physician, but wouldn't that rupture some organs that might be needed in the near future? For respiration possibly? Or how about digestion? My totem pole, much like myself, is also thin. Seems to be a thematic part of my body. I'm God's action figure and She's still chuckling... 
4) I have an average body. 
A majority of women on CL are obsessed with "hot", or "built" men. I'm none of those things. I enjoy hiking, skiing and bicylcing, but in the fast-paced, cut-throat world of contemporary media, you either get the job done or give the job to someone else. I love my work...it just doesn't love me back with the same appreciation and desire. Thus, everything on my body works (sometimes too well), it just must be placed under "average". 
5) I'm an average pussy eater. 
Maybe I just can't see the clit while giving oral. Maybe I wander around too much due to A.D.D. Maybe I just need God to provide an owner's manual with step by step instructions that aren't in Arabic. All I know is I try. Oh god do I try. I've come very close (so to speak) to making a woman cum. You know that sound when you're so close to orgasm you can taste it, but he does something stupid and you miss? Hi, how ya doin'? That's me. 
6) I'm losing my hair. 
I'm only 26 and I'm starting to lose my hair. It's now starting to become visible. I can't shave my head like those other "beefy hunky" guys. I have a thin body and a giant head. I'm the real life Mr. Mackey from South Park. 
7) I'm moody. 
I'm also a Gemini. Put that thrilling combination together and you have a roller coaster of emotion that can never find the level part of the track. Kinda like my pussy eating... 
8) I masturbate...a lot. 
Maybe it's spring arriving. Maybe I'm just too slackish to talk to the short-haired brunette who smiled at me today. It's much easier to just grab that image in the photo gallery in my mind and play it back in eight different positions later that night. And in my fantasies, she doesn't have a problem with #1-7... 
9) I'm a self-loather. 
See #1-8. 
10) I'm a daily fantasizer. 
I have met a few women by e-mail on CL who enjoy fantasy as much as I. But when it eventually leads to pushing fantasy into the real world, I panic. My fantasies are so fantastical, so over the top that I could NEVER live up to them. And that just adds to the equation that is #9. 
11) I spend way too much time alone. 
Lonely is more comfortable. Like an old jacket that's torn with age that's just too comfortable to dispose of. So it seems my fantasy life began at an early age. And a lifelong nurse fetish began as well... 
12) I'm addicted to CL. 
I only clicked on "Casual Encounters" a few weeks ago and I'm hooked. I don't post, I don't e-mail...I just browse. I occasionally respond to an ad that doesn't involve numerical statistics or bravado adjectives as the main topic of discussion. Once in a while I hear back. Usually it's to tell me that they can't "deal" with one of the numbers above. That's ok. I understand. 
If you respond to any of this I will assume you are one of the following: 
1) *n dire need of entertainment. 
2) Possess 1 or more of the above traits and wish to share. 
3) Appreciate honesty above one's maladies. 
4) Are a sadist. 
5) Are looking for a subject to compose your master thesis on. 
6) Are bored. 
7) Masturbate just as often. 
8) Are attracted to everything I have listed, but you're currently in a psychiatric ward somewhere where they allow you access to the internet because they figure "well, we've tried everything else". 
9) Are God and wish to apologize...profusely.

Target vs. Poop

This is a story about Target.  It’s actually a story about poop.  Which one makes you want to read it more?  So today I was in Target, like any other day.  Maybe it was because Zac Posen was there this month.    Every few weeks Target has a designer come in and do their thing for a few weeks.  Right now its Zac Posen, made popular by the ever precious Natalie Portman. Maybe it was because they have awesome 80’s print bathing suits,  and if I am going to wear neon, its going to be on a bathing suit.  I probably just needed dog food but it never hurts to look. 

So I am walking down the isle and I have the worse gas imaginable. Let’s side note here by admitting I have a fear, like a SEVERE fear, of public restrooms.  I barely ever even pee in them.  In my entire life, I had pooped in once 2x.  Ever.  So its gets a little dicey in the aisle and I start to freak out.  I grab my purse and leave my cart and run, literally run, to the bathroom.  At this point I am nervous and sweating and just am praying that its empty.  I make my grand entrance and try frantically to cover the seat with toilet paper.  I literally almost sharted.  I was trying desperately to hold in while I put toilet paper down on the seat.  It was both the worst and the funniest thing that happened to me today.

One night…. a night a long, long time ago, we sat on the back porch on a clear beautiful night.  I wore my new scarf that my tree friend had bought me as a birthday present.  It matched my outfit perfectly.  Us tree friends drank wine until we got silly (more than usual)  and made up for the past 5 months we hadn’t seen each other in.  Just like any other night,  I had the worst gas ever.  I could not help farting and none of the dogs were around to blame.  Instead I decided to blame… Dead Oreo.  Dead Oreo is very sad, but this night we made it something hilarious.  My mom has an iron doorstop that’s a replica of a cute little Boston Terrier we had named Oreo. RIP Oreo.  So I blamed my gas on dead Oreo and we laughed so hard I almost peed my pants.  Or farted a few times.  The next logical thing to do was to get in the dryer.  Then as if that wasn’t enough, I wanted to go through the door dog too.  All while holding my wine.  I am, after multi-talented.  From here on out we decided everything was “RUUUUDE.”  There’s some understated batspeak for ya.

I woke up the next day still wearing my scarf.

There are some lessons to be learned here.  *Tar-get is worth the prices.  Check out Zac Posen.  *Better to be in Target’s bathroom than Walmart’s.  *Always blame your gas on your dogs, dead or alive.  *Laugh so hard you cry.  *Stay up all night with good friends.  *Sleeping in your clothes is entirely acceptable.  *Sometimes people are just “RUUUDE.”  *Most important lesson here…. WE ARE AWESOME.

Love, The Bats

You need our help.

For all of you reading chicks' personal ads out there, beware.  Here's a useful reference guide.

10 Happy Thoughts.

I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me

Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.

Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive. 

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

The trouble with life is there's no background music.

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe. 

God must love stupid people; He made so many.

Reasons to Go Commando.

Ok, so if you decide to get some new undies after yesterday's Weasel Advice, please buy online.  Or at the very least, luckily my freinds passed this link around today so we can all be spared the vag herp.  Or at least have less of a chance...

  Ladies,

just saw the grossest video on the Today show....it's about the underwear and bathing suits we buy at places like saks, victorias secret, express, bloomingdales, macys, etc. the findings are very disturbing and really gross.....

Germy Crotch Video

basic sum up....retailers are selling used underwear.....

-OMG...I saw that too....was watching it before I went to work yesterday and almost died!!!! I am sure those stores are going to have to change their policies after that report but I guess we all learned a lesson...knit your own undies :) or always wash anything before you wear it, in hot water!!!!---

Happy Crotch Hunting.

WEASEL WEDNESDAY: YOU BETTER COMMENT EDITION

Ok so WW is late today.  First off, I had alot of work and second off I am being whiney little brat.  Actually, we both are.  This is because we want you to pay attention to us.  SO FOLLOW US.  That means click on the little box on the right hand side that says follow us.  To us, it feels like when you see the little red bubble on Facebook. (You know you love it.)  COMMENT.  Right underneath there is a comment box.  Tell us what you think and for crikey's sake PLEASE put your weasels in there.  You guys have all these awesome stories and you know we can't tell them quite as well as you can.  If you want to be anonymous, thats cool.  JUST COMMENT.  Or we will make you wait for 9pm every Weasel Wednesday and take away your allowance. ...

- If he misses his friends wedding and blames it on you… 

- If he asks why are you texting me..... (p.s. the answer to this is because I am deleting you)

- If he has a sub-woofer under his bed....

If you barely know him (as in have hooked up a few times) and he name drops your dad as a reference to get a job…

.....You know he’s a weasel....

You know you're a weasel if year after year you keep going back and forth between same two girls off and on....

Latest weasel-move... He was dating Girl # 2 and practically living at her parents house with her & they were oh so in love. One day, just got up and literally left her parents place. Few days later, he's "staying" with Girl # 1. Weeks pass, and he ends up going back to Girl # 2. Of course, pathetic as she is, she gives in and takes him back. About a month later, she then finds out he was "staying" with Girl # 1 and of course f*cked her.  The damn weasel lied to poor, ole Girl # 2 that whole time. (secretly, she deserved it!) 

Weasel-ette style....  So there's this weasel-ette. She's been around the block once, twice...maybe even three times! She sleeps with my man and then the next day messages me on Facebook and asks, 'Where was I and says she misses me. Also to call her in a few days, she lost all her numbers."  I'm not surprised by this weasel-ettes moves... she even has gross, big weasel teeth to top it off....

Picture this Weasel Scenario...

Your friend hooks you up with this older guy, (as in around 40).  He seems sweet and nice and you think things went fine after you guys spent a romantic evening together. He then tells your friend if you lose 10 pounds you will be girlfriend material. (Keep in mind I am in no way fat a this time, but how can I be as small as his 5'3 ass?) Then he heads off to Aspen with another girl the night after.  And when I say girl, I mean young enough to be his daughter.  While in Aspen with this gerbil*, he calls you constantly like he's actually NOT with someone on the trip.  He comes to your birthday party which is great, but tells his ex girlfriend about it and she comes to scope you out and create all sorts of drama. To please you, he has his friend slip 500 dollars to you, and then looks at you with a shit eating grin all night like he did a great thing by making you feel like a dirty prostitute!

The only reason this one didn’t make Weasel of the Week, is because she got $500 out of it :)

Weasel of the Week:

- If he bugs you for months to come and visit him and stay with him… and fails to tell you he has a (ugly) girlfriend…

“We of course had been hooking up for a few years at this point but never exclusive. SO...I drive my hot self a good few hours for the weekend of fun ...on Friday night he takes me to super nice dinner, and we go out to some nice bars, then we head back to his place. Saturday rolls around...we spend the day together doing what we do best...watching movies and chillin’ on the couch that is... (haha, chillin, I know what that means) Then Saturday night comes along and he takes me to another really nice dinner and then to a dive bar by his campus where his buddy is a bartender. After a while, I realize he keeps going from me to this other chick so I ask his buddy behind the bar who the ugly chick is. And he replies "that's his girlfriend." GIRLFRIEND?! I drove all the way here and you take me out with your girlfriend...AND she is ugly?! Fuck NO...I instantly order a water and start chugging...needless to say I drove my half drunk ass back home that night (3.5 Hours)....he tried to convince me to stay by telling me she thought I was sleeping on the couch....I didn't tell her, I figured she had enough problems with being ugly and all....

WEASEL ADVICE:
You’re man’s a weasel if he only texts you Sunday night to hang out on Mondays. Mondays are for whores and silent bjs. Tuesdays and Wednesday are for girls you're semi into, but would never have kids with. Thursdays are for your work bitches.  Fridays and Saturdays are for you starting line-up. But if you're a Friday or Saturday girl, don't get too excited.  You may just be a substitute because some players in the starting line up could be away on vacation, injured due to their monthly visit from aunt flow, etc. 

Now tell me that doesn't make you want to go buy some Juicy Couture underwear to keep track of what day it is...

Words from the Wise.

He is a Zach Braff: a dumb a**hole in a nerdy cute guy's body... very deceiving... the worst kind.

Every girl has dated one at some point in time. You lower your physical standards in the hope of finding more substance, but there is none. Instead just a nerdy d-bag who got off on the fact that he dated someone superior to himself. *stumbles off soap box*

WEASEL WEDNESDAY: GOLDEN GIRLS EDITION

Welcome back to Weasel Wednesday.  This is a place we can talk freely about weasels.  Who decides ultimately what makes someone a weasel?  That’s easy.  We do.  Feel free to add your own weasel commentary and maybe it will be featured on the next WW.  As we can see there is no shortage of weaselry and we always have plenty....

- If a guy takes you on a first date to burger king and drops you off early cause his ex girlfriend calls….

- If you hubby is in another state and they get a weekend furlough and he rents a hotel room with the only 2 females in the platoon….

- If you are dating a guy and he only wants to hang out with you late at night so you can hook up with him but never takes you on dates…. Then you tell him you will be out with friends and he won't tell you where he is going for the night...but shows up at the place you said you would be and acts like he doesn't know you just to spy on you….. Then, when a guy hits on you, he comes over and acts all jealous and wants to fight the guy…. Ultimate D-bag Weasel.

I’d Like to steal a term from MODG and call this one the “F***myfaceoff Weasel”

-        If you went home with him and didn't want to get frisky because of the lack of landscaping to the shrubbery down below, but, after some convincing, got in the shower to take care of aforementioned situation then proceeded to get frisky, spend the night, and wake up in the morning to find his roommate in bed with you angrily asking who the f*** you were and stating that you passed out naked in his bed, later finding out that the man you slept with slipped out before you awoke and was in cahoots with his roommate just so he wouldn't have to say goodbye to you...YOU GOT WEASELED….

This week we have our first ever “Weasel-gram”… and let me tell you how super-duper-shades and a-high-side-ponytail excited about this new gem to be bringing you…!!  The world of weasels has reached all time high…

 

Dear Weasel,

I thought I was slumming' dating you to begin with. I am aware your brain can't be larger than your tiny penis but that is still no excuse for your weasel-ness. For starters you lie to attract girls. I.E. "I'm going to try out to play pro baseball so I'll most likely be playing pro ball soon." when the reality is you will never play pro ball. You tell girls you're super religious but I've never seen a bigger hypocrite in the world. You are superficial, judgmental, and I've never heard a dirtier mouth on anyone I've ever slept with in my life.  I especially loved when I came back from California early just to see you only for you to ditch me and your Facebook status to read "going to see a certain someone". This upset me so much since we were talking every day like we were together, I had to excuse myself from visiting with my grandfather.....who the next evening almost died. Somehow you weaseled your way out of that one and kept me around by saying you were so busy working but wanted to keep talking, however the reality was you were seeing another girl the entire time and stringing me along. When the girl took off, and I had moved on, you tried to reconnect again. I dumbly accepted and invited you to my birthday. Not only did you totally bail out on coming to my birthday but you didn't even text or call to let me know you couldn't make it and you ruined my night. I dumbly reconnected with you one last time.... met up with you and finally realized you were King Weasel!!  I am glad to be rid of you.

TTYN,

Bats

And yes, the Moment we’ve all been waiting for… its our Weasel of the Week!

If he’s are dating* a nice, cute girl (Rose)… who's really into him and starts bringing her friend around (Blanche), who happens to have a boyfriend…  and the Weasel and Blanche start to really hit it off….. he’s probably a weasel....

… Now, after a couple of weeks of them all hanging out, Weasel and Blanche start to become really flirty with one another. One night Weasel has after hours at his place…. Rose is drunk and starts to get pissed at Weasel and Blanche for being all flirty, so she goes and passes out in his room, in bed with Sophia…. After everyone else leaves and it’s just Weasel and Blanche, Weasel is laying on one of his couches and Blanche joins him for a cuddle. They mess around** a little bit and the friend starts to feel like a trash bag and says that they can’t… she has a boyfriend. Weasel tells her that he’s going to bed and that she can crash on the couch.

[He lives in a loft type place, so you can see the couches from his bed.]


He lays in bed with Rose (and Sophia) and starts fooling around with Rose's girl junk…. Now, she’s still kind of out of it, so he sticks her hand down his pants and she starts giving him some phantom manual***

And the real weaselry here is …

Weasel said that the whole time that she was giving him a hand job he was looking at her friend sleeping on the couch….  Ouch.

Guyspeak…

*He’s not really that into her but enjoys the freedom of the drunken hook up when all else fails. 

**kissing on the neck, back rubs, blah blah…

***stroking him while drunk and half awake

Words from the wise: " Where I am from a ho is a ho is a ho and I would suggest you slither your skanky ho self away from me before I put this pool cue in a place that you will NEVER need a man again.."

Thanks to singedwingangel and  Meagan@Megs7827 for their comments last week!

Bitter Musings and Mockeries

Here are some great ideas for (Anti) Valentine’s Day.  At least in my opinion.  Which is the one the matters most.

1. Toilet noise blocker.  I don’t think this makes a lot of sense but I like it anyway.  “…makes the noise of a toilet flushing to hide the other noises you might be making. Press the button twice and the sound of flushing lasts for 25 seconds. This little device means you won't have to flush for real and thus saves water.”

2. Say Something Dirty To 45 Friends, Lovers And Mailmen by Brook Lundy & Duncan Mitchell.  This pretty much speaks for itself.  And its awesome.

3. Bittersweets®. I will never look at Candy hearts the same way again.  And I love them.  But these make me laugh.  Bahahahahaha… another great idea.

Definitely geared at the bitter and distraught…  “For most, there is no crueler day of the calendar year than that of Valentine's Day. While a tiny fraction of the population can look forward to a holiday of wine and roses, poetry and song, the vast majority of us can anticipate a day of nausea and grimacing, trauma and grief. A day in which minutes seem like hours, and hours like days, as we reflect sorrowfully on yesteryear's romantic indignities, today's loneliness, and the unknowable but certain heartbreak that will be visited upon us repeatedly in the years to come.”

"Unlike other candy hearts, ours are stamped with bitter musings and mockeries perfectly suited to the dejected spirits of those who will spend the holiday alone, or wishing they were."

You can shoose your own collection, I like dejected or dysfunctional.

"Dejected" sayings include:

I MISS MY EX* PEAKED AT 17* TABLE FOR 1*

I CRY ON Q* U C MY BLOG? * A FINE WHINE*

MOMMY ISSUES * DIGNITY FREE * DORK MAGNET * PURE NAUSEA

WE HAD PLANS* SETTLE 4LESS* I'M HOT INSIDE

"Dysfunctional" sayings include:

I BEEN CREEPIN *P.S. I LUV ME * DO MY DISHES* BOOTY INFL8N

PAROLE IS UP! *AWFUL INLAWS * I WANT HALF*

NO FIX 4 DUMB* RATHER DRINK * MUTUAL DISGUST

Available in six different flavors, including: Banana Chalk, Grape Dust, Nappy-Citric, You-Call-This-Lime?, Pink Sand and Fossilized Antacid.

4. These underwear: 

5. Beer gloss.  “The Valentine’s Day gift that makes her happy, and makes you happy too.”

Funniest singles event I have seen yet:  Sleep-Mate date Night.  

Held at Ikea and sponsored by a bunch of liquor companies (go figure) and encourages singles to meet up in bed and try out mattresses.  So disgusting, but so funny.

 Bats and caves.  xox, US

I'm a Lush.

One of my favorite people works at Lush and has turned a bunch of us on to some really cool products that I find myself talking about all the time… So here’s a ton of info (probably more than you need to know) about some cool stuff… it’s broken down by category for easy reading.  Check out the guy’s section for V-Day ideas (or anti-V-Day)…. Bats’ notes are in Blue…

All about Lush…

         Lush carries an array of bath and shower products. They have everything you could possibly need from head to toe (including hair care and skin care.) Everything is hand made (and have these really cool little labels that tell you who made in and when.  So if anything is wrong you can go after them with a vengeance J) and contains natural and fresh ingredients.....everything is vegetarian. There are also many vegan products, which means they do not contain any animal byproducts. What makes some of the items not vegan and just vegetarian you ask? Well, some of our products contain ingredients such as honey and many vegans consider that to be an animal byproduct.

             At Lush, we are animal LOVERS. Therefore, none of our products are tested on animals.  Anything we do get from animals such as honey is sourced ethically; we have very high standards for our suppliers and keep a close watch to ensure no animals are harmed or mistreated.  If we believe a supplier is unethical, we stop using them even if that means a product has to stop being made. We donate to many charities and even have a body lotion called "Charity Pot," all of the lids have different charities on them and when you purchase a pot, 100% of the proceeds go to the charity on the lid.

            Besides sourcing our ingredients ethically, we also believe in saving the environment.  All of our black pots are made from 100% recycled plastic, and we recycle them for you if you bring them back into our stores. Also, all of our bags are made from recycled paper.

What are your favorite Lush products?

1) Ocean Salt (face & body scrub) - this is by far my number one; I have oily skin and use this every day on my face. It has fine and course ocean salt that exfoliates, avocado and coconut that add moisture, lime that brightens the skin, and rice vodka which acts as an astringent. You can use it on your whole body! It tastes salty in a good way.  Like you were just at the beach.  It makes you feel like you are washing away the dirty, in whatever regard that may be. Sea salt scrub is so addicting, I crave this stuff.  Like for real, I am like oh I can’t wait to wash my face today.  The large ones are $32 and the small ones are $19.  Get the big one, trust me.  This stuff is gonna make you feel better, and look better.  I swear.

2) Dream Cream - fabulous body moisturizer! Very gentle, really good for everyone, even those with super sensitive skin. Helps with eczema. It has oat milk and chamomile flower in it. A little goes a very long way and it makes my skin really soft!

3) Buffy - god bless Buffy! You use this in the shower; it is a body butter with a shea and cocoa butter base. It has ground almonds, ground aduki beans, and rice in it, which exfoliate your skin. While you exfoliate, it leaves behind the shea and cocoa butter so when you get out of the shower, you already have some moisturizer on!  Be careful with this stuff, it works awesome but don’t scrub too hard, luckily Lush Lady had warned me about this before I used it.  Margarita was not so lucky, she was sitting next to me at the bar and looked like a cat had attacked her.  But I use this the day before I spray tan (with ocean salt right before) and it really makes me feel like my tan holds well.  It also makes your bathroom smell awesome.  And I don’t have a ton of time to moisturize so it’s a time saver too.

What kind of baby/kid stuff do they have?

- I have many customers with younger children who have used Lush on them since birth...but I’m no child expert and certainly wouldn't claim to be!! These are two that I would recommend and I know parents have used from a very young age...

1) Ickle baby angel & devil - this is a bath bomb (fizz). It is very soothing for kids, it has chamomile, sandalwood, and lavender in it. You drop it in the water, and it fizzes out.  It is great for before bedtime, as it will put your kids to sleep!

(Ickle Baby Devil & Angel)

2) Honey I Washed The Kids soap - this is an amazing body soap...one of the top sellers! IT IS AWESOME! My Dad is in love with the stuff, and I send it to him in large amounts. It has honey, aloe, bergamot (natural antidepressant), and sweet orange oil in it. It is creamy and moisturizing and it smells so good you will want to eat it! Honey is also an anti-fungal so it really makes you clean!

3) Dream Cream body moisturizer – super gentle, made by Lush founder for his son who had eczema (see my top 3).

Kids love all the bath bombs, and the bubble bars (our solid bubble bath). All of them are safe for children. Since our products are so natural and fresh, they are safe for all ages. 

On a side note, but related, we carry a great massage bar called "Therapy" for expecting mothers. A massage bar basically is a moisturizer in the solid form...they all have a shea and cocoa butter base. As you rub them on your body, your body heat releases the ingredients onto the skin. "Therapy" helps to reduce stretch marks as well as any scars. It is 100% organic and has lavender, and neroli in it along with some other ingredients.

(Therapy) *Guilty Pleasure as described by Lush* :)

What’s the best product to get for a guy?

- Shave The Planet Gift ($29.95)  - includes Shave the Planet shave cream, Bamboo soap, Cosmetic Lad facial moisturizer, Business Time Massage Bar. There is also a 15% off coupon inside that can be used on your next purchase….these coupons can only be found in the wrapped gifts! There are 4 different shaving creams guys can choose from based on their stubble – Shave The Planet, Razorantium, Prince, and Ambrosia.

- Freeze Shower Gel – the is my husbands personal all time favorite….the only problem is that it is a Retro item which means it is only available online! He requests it all the time to the point I order him two 500ml bottles every time he starts to run low! But it really is fabulous!! It is a really cooling shower gel and I must admit, I love it too!

- Also, Happy Hippy shower gel is another guy favorite as well as one of my husbands favorites…it is very citrusy. It has pink grapefruit, lemons, and limes. I also love it…so it is good for both men and women. Citrus helps take off dead skin cells and brighten the skin tone. You can also use it as a shampoo (makes hair shine)…so great for travel, you only need to bring one bottle and you can wash your hair and body with it! It is available in stores.

Retro Products: can only be found online!! They are products that have been discontinued but brought back by popular demand!

-I love Freeze Shower Gel and Sonic Death Monkey Shower Gel (my husband uses both)

-Ginger Lotion is AMAZING!  My husband loves the smell of it on me but he wouldn’t use it himself.

-Go to www.lush.com for retro info

Enzymiotic cream- when I use it my face smells kind of lotiony and kind of chocalate-ly in a good way. It covers well with makeup so I use it in the morning.

Sympathy for the skin- this winter has been brutal on my skin and for some reason, ever since I had the babe, my skin has been super dry.  Also it’s probably because after 2 days of no heat I have been pumping it to assure that I make up for those 2 days… I use this at night and it really helps my skin feel less dry.

Tea tree toner- its cool and refreshing…It has tea tree in it which is an antibacterial, so it helps prevent and cure break outs. It is also in our spot treatment called "Grease Lightning" which will zap your zit in no time flat...my hubs is in love with it as am I! Toner sets a base for your moisturizer. Your skin is like a sponge and when it is wet, it absorbs everything it comes into contact with. So, when you apply toner followed by moisturizer, your face is able to absorb all the moisturizer and get the most out of it. It also means you have to use less moisturizer at a time and therefore, your moisturizer last longer too! It also helps to tone and brighten the skin as it has juniper berry and grapefruit in it. It is really good for normal to oily skin. The reason your face doesn't feel tight afterward is because there is no alcohol in it, alcohol is really harsh and not good for the skin, and it is very drying.

All skincare regimes should include a cleanser, toner, and moisturizer. I have found if I feel greasy towards the end of the day and don't have time to wash my face and reapply my make up I can spritz my toner on over my make up and I feel less oily in no time!

Are there any tricks you should know?

-Bring in 5 empty and clean black pots to a lush store and you get a FREE fresh facemask!

-Buy 2 massage bars and get 1 free tin to store it in

-Buy 2 solid shampoos and get 1 free tin

 (Seanik Solid Shampoo) (Godiva Solid Shampoo)

-Buy 2 body butters (ex. Buffy) and get 1 free tin

-Sign up at your local store for the lush list email and catalog….you only get one email a month with what is going on in your local store. We have a lot of really really great promotions and events where you can get fab goody bags! The catalog is great and comes out once every season…has all the products in it. You can check off what you want and bring it to the store to make shopping easier!

-Always remember to ask for a sample when you check out if they don’t give you one…if they don’t have any…ask for one of something that interests you. It is a great way to try out a moisturizer, shampoo, conditioner, etc. They have sample pots that they can fill for you with any liquid.

-Ask for the hand treatment….it lets you try all of my 3 favorites (ocean salt, Buffy, dream cream) as well as the famous lemony flutter cuticle butter I mentioned below!! Your hands will feel amazing!

Anything else?

I could go on and on and on about Lush, it is truly a great company and one I am proud to work for.  The products are amazing and work wonders. The hair care and skin care lines are my favorite parts of the store along with the shower gels! I’m not really a bath taker. If you go to your local Lush, they will give you a consultation and recommend products based on your hair and skin types…don’t be afraid to ask! If the person is stupid, ask me and I will be happy to help you or anyone out! (Email us and we’ll pass it along… or post as comment)  our store is ranked #1 in the country for our customer service; we really pride ourselves on our product knowledge.

            Going to a Lush for the first time can be very intimidating…and overwhelming as everything is so different! Look online before you visit and write down a few things you would like to see (do not write down retro products)! It will help you to have a direction…when I first went to a Lush 4 years ago; I started with skin care because I was having problems. Once I got my skin care taken care of, I moved to hair care and from there to well, everything! Also, if you don’t know how something works, ask….we demo everything in the store for you!   Also, you can look on youtube.com and look up Lush product demos…we have videos on there!  While some items may be priced a little high, a little goes a LONG way with all of our products so they will last you! I used Lush for a few years before I worked there and EVEN IF I DIDN’T WORK AT LUSH, I WOULD STILL USE LUSH PRODUCTS!

Airplane Bathrooms are not for Sleeping...

I read an article today that was all too familiar.  As strange this is, this story is mostly true.  Maybe I will change a little around to make it funnier, but its pretty G darn funny in itself. 

Jaho: Was this your friend?

Unruly Passenger Blames Medical Pot Cookies - Atlanta News Story - WGCL Atlanta

www.cbsatlanta.com

PITTSBURGH -- A San Francisco man claims he was high on a double dose of medical marijuana cookies when he screamed, dropped his pants and attacked crew members on a cross-country flight, forcing its diversion to Pittsburgh, the FBI said Wednesday. Wednesday, February 3, 2010.

The Blonde Bandit, Dustin’s Thoughts and 2 others like this.

Bat: hahahahahha. wow. hahahah

Thu at 9:25am ·

College friend: What an a-hole...now none of us are going to be allowed to eat medicinal pot cookies before flying!

Thu at 12:12pm ·

Blonde Bandit: hahahahahahahahaha! LOL

Thu at 1:18pm ·

Dustin’s thoughts: What an idiot, unless they were laced with something w/ a little more kick

Thu at 1:45pm ·

Bat: we know who likes to pass out in bathrooms. pants down, compartments open? bahhhahhhhaaa

Thu at 1:46pm ·

Blonde Bandit: OMG...yeah we do! bahahaha!

Thu at 2:06pm ·

Jaho: Haha...love it.

Thu at 8:44pm ·

Write a comment...

We’re in Vegas and night rolls into day.  I have no idea what time our flight left, it seemed like it was around 3.  Or 5.  It was still light out.  Part of the reason I have no idea what time is was is because we hadn’t slept yet.  Well, 3 of us didn’t.  The 3 of us who should NOT have been left unsupervised.  One thing lead to another….. and…… no there was not a threesome…. But we did end up drinking RBV’s out of EVERY SINGLE item we could find.  We would only have one drink at a time and all share it.  Then move on to the next item.  Vases, a sugar bowl, a regular bowl and spoon, and my favorite, a teakettle.  Our friend in the other room said he could hear the constant ting-ting sound of the tea kettle and that’s how he knew we were all still up.  Finally comes the time where fun happy messy drinking games must come to an end and we have to head back to real life.  2 of us crazies board a plane and decide we have had enough of each other do not want to sit together.  One falls asleep.  The other… continues drinking.  I’m going to go ahead and say it was 2 Heinekens and a Jager bomb, but since I’m pretty sure they don’t serve Jager bombs on planes, I think it was a shot of jack.  Well between the 2 of us we weighed less than 250 lbs, so that jack, broke the proverbial camels back.  In this scenario, proverbial is code word for passed-out-wasted.  In the bathroom no less.  With all the compartments open. Ok that part was a lie but it happened in the newstory I read and it totally seemed like it would have happened.  So “Jack” passes out in the restroom.  End scene.

I am woken up in our insert random city here layover to shoes being tossed at me and my friend Jack being escorted off the plane.  See at this time I have know idea that Jack has consumed more alcohol.  We are put into the back of an ambulance and they questions are being fired at me by 2 paramedics.  Woah.  Hold up people.  Did you not where our plane was coming from?  Vegas, that’s right, Vegas.  Thanks to the Hangover people finally understand.  So I am in no position to answer the questions honestly and they threaten that my friends life is in danger.  Little do they know I barely know Jack and relish at the thought of having his life in my hands.  Insert Ursula laugh here. Come to think of it, he was pretty mean to me on the trip I could just leave…..its not like we will be friends when we get back anyway…. Muahhahhhaah…..

He’s slumped over in a wheelchair and they tell me to wait with him until he comes too. It turns out my best friendly duties kick in.  I fill out the paperwork, I find his insurance info, I call all the right people who need to know. I hold Jack’s hand and wipe drool vomit off his face and manage to hold my guts in place when I need to vomit and stay by his side until he wakes up.  Confused and disoriented, he’s finally coming around…. I take a picture.  You are not going to forget this m****r f****r.  Not as long as they give me access to the interweb….

He hugged me with his vom clothes and I let him because I was happy he was alive.  And that I could finally go puke.  He was pleased to hear I arranged for a friend to come pick us up and let us sleep at her house.  He wanted out of his clothes and I wanted out of the shady 70s waiting room of the hospital in the ghetto. I check his breathing and arrange for a new flight in the morning.   After the post Vegas misadventure, we arrive safely back home. 

Moral of the story, be careful who you fly with.