You may not find this funny, but I do.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Monday, May 10, 2010
I love you Ryan Scott.
Prom Party - RyanScottPHOTO.com from Ryan Scott on Vimeo.
These are the parties we attend. these are the people we party. And bears, yes bears. We may not have made it to them prom, but we made it to the after party. And we made an impression. And we all know what happens after prom right....
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Mitch vs. Chuck Norris?
If you're looking for an anecdote to explain how the new face of MMA differs from the stereotype, consider this: Mitch Kerr had to miss our training photo shoot in order to take the CEO of Home Depot out to dinner.
Kerr, a suit-and-tie guy by day, took a well-traveled path to the world of MMA — he ran out of other challenges. "A couple years out of school I got into triathlons, and then did an Ironman in 2004," he says. "Then I needed something to do."With endurance sports conquered, he stumbled onto MMA, and soon he was training five days a week. He'll never be a pro fighter — "It doesn't pay as well as my other job" — but he's not getting away from it, either. "I love running a mutual fund and the benefits are great," he says. "But long-term, I'd love to be a 60-year-old guy with a black belt teaching classes somewhere."
To check out the full article see here.
Mitch kicks ass- both literally and figuratively.
There's nothing this guy can't do. He should become Iron Man--industry tycoon and premiere athlete combined.
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Taking over Haiti.
FML today. I want to move somewhere. Somehwere far away from drama and close to a beach. I have officially decided to move to Haiti. My mom had the idea first, said she was going to leave us all and go the Haiti. When it got hot she realized she wouldn’t be able to handle it there and has replaced her dream world with Alaska. Well guess what, she can have the Alaskan pipeline and I am taking over Haiti. Lets back track just a little to my recent convo with D’s Thoughts. Me: Ask me how long its been since I showered. D’s Thought: I don’t even want to know. Me: Good, because I have no idea when it was. D’s thought: That’s pretty disgusting I am so glad I am not in the car with you right now. Me: I am getting ready for Haiti, want to come? D’s thought: yes I will sell my house and come with you to Haiti. For that price I am probably buy my presidency. Haiti is the poorest country in the Americas, so naturally the cost of 2 houses in Center City will buy Presidency and VP-ency there) Me: That’s a great idea. You can be Prez and I will be VP. We decide to ask Justin (Bieber) to be Secretary of State. D knows more about JB than even I do. He goes on the justify that Biebs has fans in the US and in Mexico, is from Canada, hence he should totally be on our cabinet. Gretadomas wants to be Treasurer but I think we may make her in charge of Homeland Security.
Ok so Haiti is hot and near the beach and we are taking over (aka becoming their government.) So this plan is pretty much perfect. First order of business, find out the National Bird of Haiti. Here are some pictures. I will call them Fred and Ted. Second order, make it a law, not a rule that you can not date anyone with the same name as you. Then, change the national plant to the cannibis sativa plant. Next, Water fountains or vending machines on every corner, because people are going to get hot and dehydrated. Bottled water cannot cost over 5 cents each because we all know its only water people! We’ll get Brita filters. Maybe they will even donate them. Sure, why not. Cell phone reception might be a problem, so we are going to set up a very classy system of tin cans for us all to communicate. Speaking of communicate it looks like we have to learn French....
At amusement parks they have those little mister things that keep people cool. We will have them filled with sunscreen so us whities don’t get burnt to a crisp. And then my life will get better. So my questions are… how long does it take to get to Haiti? Do they want promo models at our inaugeration? (that’s a given). How will they feel about me inviting Beyonce and Gaga to do a public show when I get there. A welcome show if you will. Did anyone else notice they have Videophone and Telephone as hit songs right now? I don’t know how the Haitians will feel about this singing about technology. Hopefully they get used to it because I am really looking forward to this adventure.
beyonce ft.lady gaga-video phone-yeni | izlesene.com
Friday, May 7, 2010
Funky Chicken Foto Friday
Its late, and we haven't really been posting much good juicy gossipy-ness lately. But I feel its my duty to share these weird ass pictures with you all...
It'll take him four hours to do one hand. He then photographs it for posterity. I cannot imagine how he does it, the eyes are so remarkably lifelike.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Suburbs Girl= Cougar?
I officially live in the suburbs. With a bunch of people, in a nuthouse. I used to sit in my cozy little personally decorated office to do work from home. Now I find myself fighting for signal with the kid who lives behind us (probably surfing the interwebs for porn) and all the out of work housewives googling the items they see for sale on QVC daytime. So I am on the constant search for my happy Zen workspace. Where the internet connection is not affected by neighbors or by the weather. I love Panera, but I always want to spend money and watch people instead of getting my work done.
So I usually opt for the public library. You can’t spend money there and there isn’t really anyone fun to watch (besides me). It’s the same library I used to take my little brothers to, where I studied for my SATs, and LSATS. It made it even better that I had convinced my mom the night prior to make me a sandwich. Brown baggin’ it at the library… woohooo. But you aren’t allowed to have food in there. But I sneak it and rebel. Today I realize as I am walking in, in a white tee and black leggings, that I officially could care less what I look like. I just hope that I put deodorant on and brushed my teeth. I find myself thinking about wrinkle cream and whether or not my thighs touch when I walk, but I could completely care less that my hair is a frizzy mess, I have not a speck of make-up on and likely am sporting VPLs. Is this the glory of getting old, or just the fact that living in the burbs means I will see no one who even cares what I (or they) look like.
After the library I headed for super suburban lunch with Mommy and we met at Burger King. I was super delighted to see they had wireless internet there and thought this may need to be my new hangout. We order a few things off the dollar menu and I go up to get ketchup. “DAMN…” Ok I must have been hearing things. There is no way that 15 year old just checked me out. Oh there it is again. Yep yep, just got scoped by a youngin. Much to my own surprise, I was completely uncomfortable with the situation. Is that really how old Bieber is? In some messed up way I could be his mother. (It is physically possible to have a baby at 13!)
I get over it and giggle a little. My ex’s favorite thing to say to put me down (one of many)… is “Grow Up.” Other variations include, you are an immature piece of sh**, you are a 12 year old in a grown woman’s body… and my personal favorite…. You and your friends act like a bunch of F*&^ing 16 year old girls. REALLY???! Thanks, that’s awesome because my life is way more awesome now than it was at 16. My face is clear, I have money (sometimes) when I go to the mall, and I still find it completely appropriate to dress as my favorite pop stars.
So today while sitting in the kitchen at my kitchen table playing JB on iTunes, my 17 year old brother comes out. He says “Seriously, is that Bieber?” (We’re on a last name basis with him here) and when I say yes he says "Aren’t you embarrassed? That kid is like 14." "15!" I correct him. And then ask him to bring over some of his friends…. Hahaha… adventures in pre-cougardom.
Monday, May 3, 2010
Target vs. Poop
This is a story about Target. It’s actually a story about poop. Which one makes you want to read it more? So today I was in Target, like any other day. Maybe it was because Zac Posen was there this month. Every few weeks Target has a designer come in and do their thing for a few weeks. Right now its Zac Posen, made popular by the ever precious Natalie Portman. Maybe it was because they have awesome 80’s print bathing suits, and if I am going to wear neon, its going to be on a bathing suit. I probably just needed dog food but it never hurts to look.
So I am walking down the isle and I have the worse gas imaginable. Let’s side note here by admitting I have a fear, like a SEVERE fear, of public restrooms. I barely ever even pee in them. In my entire life, I had pooped in once 2x. Ever. So its gets a little dicey in the aisle and I start to freak out. I grab my purse and leave my cart and run, literally run, to the bathroom. At this point I am nervous and sweating and just am praying that its empty. I make my grand entrance and try frantically to cover the seat with toilet paper. I literally almost sharted. I was trying desperately to hold in while I put toilet paper down on the seat. It was both the worst and the funniest thing that happened to me today.
One night…. a night a long, long time ago, we sat on the back porch on a clear beautiful night. I wore my new scarf that my tree friend had bought me as a birthday present. It matched my outfit perfectly. Us tree friends drank wine until we got silly (more than usual) and made up for the past 5 months we hadn’t seen each other in. Just like any other night, I had the worst gas ever. I could not help farting and none of the dogs were around to blame. Instead I decided to blame… Dead Oreo. Dead Oreo is very sad, but this night we made it something hilarious. My mom has an iron doorstop that’s a replica of a cute little Boston Terrier we had named Oreo. RIP Oreo. So I blamed my gas on dead Oreo and we laughed so hard I almost peed my pants. Or farted a few times. The next logical thing to do was to get in the dryer. Then as if that wasn’t enough, I wanted to go through the door dog too. All while holding my wine. I am, after multi-talented. From here on out we decided everything was “RUUUUDE.” There’s some understated batspeak for ya.
I woke up the next day still wearing my scarf.
There are some lessons to be learned here. *Tar-get is worth the prices. Check out Zac Posen. *Better to be in Target’s bathroom than Walmart’s. *Always blame your gas on your dogs, dead or alive. *Laugh so hard you cry. *Stay up all night with good friends. *Sleeping in your clothes is entirely acceptable. *Sometimes people are just “RUUUDE.” *Most important lesson here…. WE ARE AWESOME.
Love, The Bats
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